Exclusive: Natalie Getz’s take on “The Bachelorette: Men tell all

Last night was a whirlwind of male emotional ridiculousness. I heard that all of their cycles were still synced up from living in the mansion together. I wanted to touch upon the six different guys that made this episode fun to watch whether we like them or not: Fantasy Suite Boy, Ben, Michael G., James, Casey and Zak. These are also my predictions for who will be on Bachelor Pad 4.

Let’s start with Fantasy Suite Boy. I think he is a lawyer, which honestly startles me. I feel like he is not all there, and maybe a little loony. It seemed that he had a hard time completing sentences. He apologized to Desiree and made it seem like it was such a pivotal moment in her journey, yet this all happened within one hour of meeting her. She had probably completely forgotten about him had he not been brought back on the show (as Michael G. so kindly pointed out). Had Fantasy Suite Boy never been ridiculous with Desiree on night one, he would have never been back on the “Men Tell All” episode. Will he be on Bachelor Pad? Would you like to see him on Bachelor Pad? I would. Give that guy a cocktail and who knows what will happen!

Next we have Ben. I honestly felt bad for Ben when he was in the hot seat, because the guys attacked him like a bunch of bratty, teenage girls. I wish I had a screenshot of Michael G.’s facial expressions. He looked like he was going to physically harm Ben. Those crazy eyes are so creepy! He is also in the running for Bachelor Pad in my opinion.

Next, Ben gets attacked by Dan. This Dan guy came out of the woodwork. He claims that Ben’s ex hunted him down in Las Vegas to inform him that Ben is a bad person. I highly doubt this happened. He must still be in show mode, because stuff like that does not happen in real life! I guarantee she was in Las Vegas and randomly ran into him. In fact, I know this. She has already done an exclusive interview with WetPaint.com calling Dan out for being a liar. Why on earth these guys sit here and tell Ben that he is a bad father and doesn’t care about his own son is beyond belief to me. Attack Ben’s character, attack his looks, attack who he is as a person, attack the feminine tank top he wore for all I care, but do not bring up his emotions towards his child. His child will see this one day and that is emotionally traumatizing. Shame on all of you guys. That is just wrong. Looks like Dan just wanted a stab at Bachelor Pad 4. This is never going to happen. No one knows who the hell he is.

Natalie Getz recaps The Bachelorette: “Desiree has poor taste” >>

Michael G is a guy that I cannot put my finger on. He gets so enraged and psychotic about Ben and James that it frightens me. Thank God they have to walk through a metal detector in order to walk onto the stage. Michael G. constantly claims that Ben was there for the wrong reasons. And that James just wanted to be the next bachelor. If Michael G. wasn’t so concerned about being on TV himself, then why was he so quick to throw a jab at Fantasy Suite Boy, calling him out on only lasting one episode? As if he is so cool because he lasted longer? Sounds like Michael G. let a little bit of this (a lot of this) go to his head! “No one remembers you.” — Michael G. RUDE!

Next we have Kasey. Kasey drives me absolutely insane! His comparisons are so far-fetched and unrealistic it’s not even funny. He is making a stink about James and Mikey’s conversation about hanging out in Chicago after the show is done. James and Mikey were just saying what everyone else who goes on this show thinks. James was just being very real. He recognized he was on a reality television show and that he was one of 25 guys dating a single girl. He basically was just saying that the odds are not in his favor, and should they both be dumped, they would have a great time being single together in Chicago. Is that really so wrong? Is that really such a big deal? The fact that Kasey compared this to James’ future wife and wedding day is hilarious. Desiree even called James out. But who is she to call him out? I know this is her journey and that she is The Bachelorette, but that doesn’t change the circumstance. She is dating 25 guys at one time and, at the end of the day, getting very serious with about six of them. How is this right? So in Kasey’s opinion, Desiree should be able to date as many people as she wants up until her engagement? She should be allowed to have fantasy suite dates with other men three nights before her engagement? Seriously, people. Lay off James. He already is probably super down and regretful today for getting that obnoxious spray tan.

Finally, we have Zak. I can’t believe that everyone is so fooled by this guy. We have Desiree crying, we have the audience crying, we have women back home crying… I was repulsed and disturbed. They got done filming the show a very long time ago, and he is still trying to say he is in love with Desiree? Give me a freaking break. I call bulls***. He is just saying this to gain the love and attention of the audience in an attempt to pretend he has a broken heart in order to be the next bachelor. He never was exclusive with Desiree, he never went to the fantasy suite with Desiree, he never met her family, he never actually exclusively dated Desiree. If he is still heartbroken after a few dates, well, uh, I don’t know what to tell you buddy. Maybe your family band can help you out with that. Another thing? Why on earth nobody saw through his little guitar performance was hilarious to me. He played guitar and promoted his family band on his hometown date, he promoted his ice cream business on his hometown date, he said he was still in love with Desiree (which is not true) and he sang a song and played guitar at the Men Tell All. You’re gonna tell me that you don’t think this guy is trying to take advantage and manipulate the situation for his own good? Desiree called James a manipulator? But she thinks what Zak is doing is completely normal and all about her? Wow.

As for next week’s drama, I have a prediction in mind. After giving it a little bit of thought for like 30 seconds, I’ve decided that I think Desiree’s family does not show up to Anguilla. I feel like this causes a lot of tension and stress among the boys and Desiree, because they don’t want to propose to a girl if they don’t know her family. Maybe Desiree doesn’t want them to propose to her until they meet her family. Who knows. Another prediction of mine would be that one of the guys is ACTUALLY falling in love with her (not just saying it). They may have not realized that they would fall so deeply in love with her, and they give her an ultimatum about the fantasy suite and the remaining guys. Maybe this stirs up emotions? I really don’t know. But I can’t wait to find out!

The Bachelorette finale predictions: Why is Des crying? >>

Natalie Getz is a TV personality, blogger and fashionista from Chicago. She does publicity for Adonia Organics and is a buyer for the clothing boutique Apricot Lane. In her spare time, Getz loves to blog about all things fashion and comedy and is a contributing writer for The Los Angeles Fashion magazine. She also hosts several TV shows and web series and is currently hosting Model Turned Superstar (coming fall 2013) Getz appeared on ABC’s The Bachelor and Bachelor Pad, which she won and in turn took home $125,000. Getz resides in Hermosa Beach, California.

Photo credit: ABC