Right now there is a rash of celebrity nudity, and while some may argue that there is no such thing as bad nudity, we respectfully disagree. Here are a few examples of celebs who are doing the birthday suit thing correctly, and a few who just need to put their clothes back on.
Shia LaBeouf
Let’s get “bad naked” out of the way first because, well, it’s just more fun. Shia LaBeouf made news for tweeting a photo of his naked self from his new movie Charlie Countryman. If this was meant to entice, it sort of missed the mark. In this image, LaBeouf looks like he’s been prison-stripped for a body search — not exactly a turn-on. Creepy lighting and nudity just don’t mix unless you’ve deliberately tuned into low-rent porn, in which case that’s what you expect.
Rihanna
Can this girl just pick a mindset and go with it? First she’s ruffling feathers in Abu Dhabi for snapping pics in a burka outside a mosque and then she posted pictures of herself in the bathtub. Bathing photos can be sexy, but they’re tricky. The seductive element of a bathing shot has to outweigh the actual act of removing dirt from one’s person. In this image, all we can really think about is Rihanna performing a normal task that millions perform every day, only she’s doing it in a tepid pool of her own filth.
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Miley Cyrus
Ms. Scandal, Miley Cyrus, loves garnering attention by trying to shock us. These dog and pony shows typically involve nudity and inappropriate gestures. Like Rihanna, Cyrus decided to invite us into her bathing ritual (which evidently doesn’t include full frontal nudity). She lathered her hair atop her head, much like we do to our babies when we give them a bath. If Cyrus was trying to be provocative with this shower snapshot, she failed. It’s just kind of silly.
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Beyoncé
From the woman who can do no wrong, Beyoncé gives us a nudity image that we can enthusiastically categorize as “good naked.” Queen B let her lipstick and hand-art do the talking in this photo, and we appreciate that we get the idea that she’s naked without actually having to see her naked. It’s all just getting a little boring, isn’t it? When you peel away the fact that celebrities are nude, at the end of the day, all women have breasts and all dudes have junk. Is that really news? Is it really that interesting? Nudity’s 15 minutes are about up.
Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga‘s recent a**-candy is both “good naked” and “bad naked.” Her booty is bodacious — there is no denying that. We’ll give her a “good naked” for that. However this image is just a bit disappointing. We’ve exempted Gaga from all the other pop princesses who are using nudity to get attention because Gaga brings us artistry and theater that is a little more thought-provoking. This is just a great-looking a** in a thong. It sort of brings Gaga down to the other “strip-a-gram” performers’ level, and that’s a bummer. It feels a little like selling out, especially when this image was used to promote a song Gaga does with R. Kelly where she sings, “Do what you want with my body.” If Gaga wants our applause, she needs to remember we hold her to a higher standard.
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