Pretty Little Liars review: Mrs. D is unburied but secrets are not

Welcome back to “planet Alison” on Pretty Little Liars, everyone, where the only thing bigger than the drama are the lies.

You’d think Alison (Sasha Pieterse) would have learned her lesson by now: Secrets don’t make friends. Instead, she’s back and spreading on the lies thicker than ever. Don’t think the girls of Pretty Little Liars are returning to Rosewood with rainbows and sunshine. Tonight’s episode made that painfully clear.

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Everyone’s acting super-sketchy about Ali’s return. Did anyone else notice how only Ali’s dad seemed truly relieved and excited to see her? Everyone else just wanted to pounce on the liars with questions. Questions they so graciously answered with lies, of course. Which, when you think about it, makes no sense. The girls don’t even seem to be convinced that Shana was A. Add in a couple creepy texts from an unknown, unsigned sender and, well, let’s just say the Über-A drama is far from over.

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The drama that takes center stage tonight, however, is Jason’s suspicious behavior, and Mrs. D’s disappearance. All signs point to the two knowing all along that Ali was still alive. Of course, in true Pretty Little Liars fashion, just before Spencer (Troian Bellisario) can get to the bottom of any of the answers by confronting Jason, Ali’s new dog Pepe uncovers Mrs. D’s body in the backyard. No big deal. Is anyone else surprised Ali hasn’t had a mental breakdown yet? How much more can this girl take?

Not to go around in circles over this point, but we’ll say it again: If the girls would just be honest, they could finally be safe. The lies only feed the A drama. They don’t solve the problem at all. Yet the lies keep on coming. We found it hard not to roll our eyes when Ali spieled the kidnapping story to Detective Holbrook. And why would the other girls just stand by and let her keep lying after everything they’ve been through? Isn’t anyone thinking about her safety? Not to mention Ezra’s well-being. As Spencer so perfectly phrased it, the girls are back to living on “planet Alison.” The point is, the secrets are far from behind us. Surprise!

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Something else that has us questioning where the show is headed: the sudden disappearance of Noel Kahn. Did the girls just ditch him back in New York? We thought he was stepping in as Ali’s grand and ultimate protector now. Didn’t she proclaim him to be someone she could trust? Now that she’s back in Rosewood with the others, though, he’s just, what? Where? Is he opting out of high school? Plus, if anyone could put Mona in her place as she tries to scare Ali it would be Noel, right? We expect some sort of explanation in the very near future.

Unfortunately, we think it’s unlikely to come as soon as we’d like. Pretty Little Liars is, after all, known for running us around actual answers so we might as well sit back and just enjoy the jog. It is, after all, a marathon, not a sprint.

What did you think of tonight’s episode of Pretty Little Liars? Should the girls finally come clean?