After tons of teasing and even more speculating, The Simpsons season premiere really did knock off a regular character. It’s not who everyone was hoping for, though.
WTF did we just witness? This new opening sequence is so weird
WARNING: Spoilers ahead!
Technically, killing off Krusty the Clown’s dad, Rabbi Hyman Krustofski, was a really sweet, sincere move. The Rabbi was voiced by the iconic actor, Jackie Mason, 83. While Mason is still alive and kicking, it was still a great tribute to Mason. The episode, which featured the Rabbi giving a critique of his son, also contained a heavenly musical number with the Rabbi, Rodney Dangerfield and Joan Rivers, who had previously voiced Krusty’s agent. It was sheer Simpsons-esque awesomeness.
However, it’s not what we’d been waiting for. In comparison to Krusty, Homer, Mr. Burns or Ned, the Rabbi was a rather small part. It wasn’t the shake-up we’d been promised. We don’t want anyone to die. But, if they had to, here’s how it could have been better:
Shanking the Simpsons
Homer — obviously, if they ever kill off Homer, he’d choke on a doughnut. We imagine he’d be home alone, on the couch. Everyone would come home and go about their business for several minutes before realizing that Homer was being far too quiet.
Marge — if Marge died, we would legitimately cry our eyes out. However, the perfect death might involve a swarm of bees coming from that shocking blue beehive and attacking. The funeral wouldn’t be complete until someone threw themselves onto the casket à la My Girl.
Bart — a not-so-freak skateboarding accident is the obvious choice. We could also see the graffitiing kid getting mixed up with a gang and meeting his end while up to some ‘hood-centered shenanigans.
Whoa, mama! Marge Simpson gets her own line of MAC Cosmetics
Murdering other main characters
Mr. Burns — obviously, the best way for Mr. Burns to die is if Maggie shoots him… again. Or, if he dies from injuries sustained the last time it happened.
Apu — so, we don’t actually want Apu to die. But we’d be more sad about his death than the Rabbi’s. Our best thoughts for how he could die? A random Kwik-E-Mart robbery.
Smithers — we all know Smithers is obsessed with Malibu Stacy. It’s safe to assume that, in Springfield, there’s some chick wandering around who got plastic surgery to look like her. We assume Smithers would probably stalk her and, ya know, stalking never goes well for anyone.
Comic Book Guy — this one is pretty random, but it’s The Simpsons. What if he turned into a superhero and must save Springfield from a meteor plummeting to earth? He ultimately has to sacrifice himself to stop the meteor and, of course, dies during his efforts… but no one knows.
Krusty — this is actually who we all thought would die, so we’re a little disappointed it didn’t happen. How could he die? Probably some freak clown shoes accident. Or, you know, lung cancer.
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