You’ll never guess which Palin family member hit the hardest during brawl

The new details from the Palin family brawl are so hilarious, we wouldn’t believe them if they weren’t coming right out of the police report.

Bristol Palin’s chaotic parenting style horrifies Melissa Rivers

It looks like Bristol Palin ditched her ballroom moves that night and instead of going left, right, left, she opted for the right hook, repeatedly. According to Us Magazine, who snagged a copy of the police report from the incident, Bristol Palin was one of the most violent aggressors that evening.

While Track Palin was apparently defending his sister Willow’s honor by starting a fight with some guys, Bristol Palin was getting into a side argument with Korey Klingenmeyer, the host of the party. According to the police report, Klingenmeyer asked the Dancing with the Stars alum to leave. She responded by asking “Who the f*** are you?” and threatening to “kick his ass.”

Bristol Palin loves Hilary Clinton, hates Glee

Klingenmeyer said Bristol Palin was the first to throw a punch, and he spurred her on, telling her to hit him “if it makes her feel better.” Bristol Palin allegedly took this as permission to keep going, so she threw another half-dozen or so punches. Klingenmeyer then “grabbed her fist as she punched again and he pushed back and she falls down. He says she gets up and tries to punch him again and he grabs her fist again and pushed her away and she falls down again.” The scuffle ended when “a bunch of wives tackled her ass,” according to a boy in attendance at the party.

The report also said there was a strong smell of alcohol from the Palin clan, which police officers noted when they arrived at the party. Track Palin was especially bad, described as appearing “heavily intoxicated” and acting “belligerent.”

Track Palin divorce: So long, high-school sweetheart

It looks like the Palin parents are standing behind their children’s alcohol-fueled behavior. Todd Palin said that Track’s friend was attacked first, making it “a situation they couldn’t walk away from.”

Charges have been dropped so it looks like, legally, the Palin family is in the clear. But you just can’t make this stuff up.

No one from the Palin family involved in the incident has officially commented on the event.