Welcome to Laguna Beach, bitch! Oh, right, sorry — wrong SoCal-based show. If there is one thing we can be grateful to The O.C. for (and let’s be real, there are endless things we have to thank The O.C. for), it’s that it gave MTV the idea to let viewers in on the lives of eight Laguna Beach, California, teens who were about to finish high school and go on to bigger and better things.
Well, some of them would. (Anybody heard of Lauren Conrad?) Others, um, not so much.
But let’s not talk about what Laguna Beach didn’t do for the people on the show, and let’s instead talk about what Laguna Beach did for the people who watched the show.
Some of the gang recently got back together at their 10-year high school reunion and all this talk of school got us to thinking about their smarts. I’m not sure if you guys are aware of this, but those kids were super wise and sage. So much of what we know about how to get by in life, we learned purely from listening to these teenagers navigate having money, living near the beach and attending parties. Who needs college?
Behold, the most profound lessons we learned from these life gurus on Laguna Beach (and it totally counts as Laguna Beach life advice if the advice-spouter was on Laguna Beach and then said these really profound things on The Hills — it’s all the same, right?).
1. Know when you are batting below your average
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We’re pretty sure Jay Cutler watched this episode when it aired and thought the exact same thing on your behalf, Kristin.
2. Don’t underestimate the power of the radar
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We’re not thinking about any of you right now and our text message inbox is full of newly received messages from all of you. We’ve got the radar.
Kristin Cavallari: The Hills was so fake
3. Don’t sell yourself short when it comes to being sensitive
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You know our motto: Always check the asshole level before jumping in the water. That’s the rule, right?
4. Always have low expectations when it comes to “a thing”
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Yeah, you guys, avoid things. Because things give you high expectations, and you know the only way to get by in life is to go into everything with low expectations. You all had low expectations for this article, right? And now look at you all: totally loving life!
Lauren Conrad and William Tell finally get their dream wedding
5. If you want to get by in life, you need a face that says, “Dude, you are bat shit crazy”
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If we die without mastering this look, our lives will have been a waste, to be quite honest with you.
6. Being friends with someone means never having to remind them you’re friends with them
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You’ve never had to remind us about anything, L.C. We’ve always been there. Um, so, when are you inviting us over for drinks to say thanks for how good a friend we’ve been to you?
7. Pinkberry is the key to life
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Lo is not keen on low blood sugar and she knows that sugar is a requirement for happiness. She instinctively knows that life isn’t measured in the number of breaths we take, but in the number of times we’ve eaten fro yo.
Brody Jenner says he never dated Lauren Conrad
8. Combat boots at the beach are no bueno
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Yeah, Summer Roberts wouldn’t have been down with that look, either, so that’s how we know L.C. was so right about this.
9. Know when something is dunzo, particularly if it’s your car
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Because you know what happens when your car is dunzo in Laguna Beach, your dad buys you a new non-dunzo car. And our dreams of that ever happening to us are also dunzo. That could also be because we are adults now, but whatever.
10. Prospective boyfriends should have autonomous thoughts
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This must be how L.C. knew William Tell was the one. There was no telling to be done on her part. His name pretty much says (tells?) it all.
11. Know when it’s a fashion show (hint: always)
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Anybody who’s anybody knows this to be true. Even our own parents. That’s why they’re all asking for runways to be installed in their homes for Christmas. We can’t wait to see the Christmas ham saunter down this new runway wearing only the latest from Dior.
12. Ditch the dead weight
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L.C., you are too right about this. You are welcome in our lives at any time. Spencer and Heidi? Nah, not so much.
13. Sometimes, sympathy is something that should be withheld
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OK, so technically, Kristin didn’t say this on the show. This is actually what she says to the Chicago Bears after they lose a game.
14. There is hope for unattractive people
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If there’s one thing we can say for the Laguna Beach clan, it’s that they were always concerned about the plight of regular folks.
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