Tom Haverford is my spirit animal, y’all. But truth be told, a quick look at what Mr. Swagalicious stands for and you may start to realize he’s the quintessential everyman of the show and that, deep down, he’s your spirit animal, too.
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1) When I encounter a morning person
Girl, stop. If it’s before noon and you’re talking to me, I cannot be held responsible for any murder I unleash upon you and that damn smile.
2) When I skip a party, but go to a concert
Bitch, I cover entertainment. I’ll happily skip your lame party and write a concert review if it means I get to see Hozier for free. If you don’t understand that logic, we shouldn’t be friends.
3) When I swoon over my best friend
He doesn’t get it. I don’t know why. We watch similar porn, enjoy the same dirty talk… our friendship would legit completely max out on awesomeness if I could just lure him into my bed.
4) Every Monday on the way out the door
Mondays are terrible. I always wake up late and smelling like debauchery and… fried food. Nothing a few spritzes of Burberry Brit can’t correct, though. Amiright?
5) Once a month… on payday
Of course, this is followed by three and a half weeks of turning down fun times with friends because I’m, ya know, broke. Again.
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6) When I channel sixth-grade me
Farting still cracks me up! Boyfriend Dutch-ovened me last week when he was sick. My stomach turned, but I wasn’t mad. It was too funny.
7) During every trip to Target ever
My ex said I had serious spending issues. But, dude sure liked spending time in my swagged-out apartment, hmm?
8) When the best girl invited me to work out with her
Look. I know I said my New Year’s resolution was to get healthy, but what I really meant was that I wanted to stop bingeing on Goldfish while watching House of Cards and replacing breakfast with an iced chai. Exercise? Ugh. No thanks.
9) When the boss ladies plan a conference call
I freelance, so at most, going to work entails pulling on some jeans and a Bengals hoodie and working from Starbucks for a change of pace. And meetings are usually just GChats where no one can tell I’m rolling my eyes or, ya know, still at home in my underwear and twerking to some Jessie J. Conference calls, though? It’s like they can hear my nekkidness… and at least a third of the call doesn’t apply to me.
10) Every Black Friday I’ve ever tried to take part in
I have a strict eating routine that dictates that something go into my mouth every two hours. Hours of shopping while surrounded by tired, cranky soccer moms only brings out my impatience. Let me go home… or at least keep me properly fed. All I’m asking for is a second Starbucks run.
11) When I reach the end of a really long list
Tom Haverford is my spirit animal. I could relate to pretty much every GIF that exists of Tom. But, ya know, people have jobs and lives and when lists start getting into the late teens or early 20s, I get real ADHD real fast. But I’m a completionist, so I keep going. This GIF is for all my bored completionists. I’m ending the list here, biznitches. Rejoice!
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