Were Madonna’s ‘Living for Love’ lyrics inspired by a Facebook rant?

February 5, 2015 at 4:36pm EST

As ’80s and ’90s girls, we’re always stoked for a new Madonna video. When it was announced we could watch it early on Snapchat’s official SnapChannel, you know we took advantage of that. Sadly, the video left a lot to be desired.

From her voice to her gimmick, pretty much everything about the “Living for Love” video rubbed me the wrong way. After watching the video several times, five thoughts kept spinning in my head.

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She’s dressed as a matador. Didn’t she do that before?

I guess the lesson here is: stick with what you know. As Madge swung around that red fabric, the whole thing seemed super-familiar. Why? Oh, yeah. Because she tried the same gimmick two decades ago.

The lyrics are trivial

I’m pretty sure I could dig through my 9th grade journal and find a poem with similar wordage. Is she just trolling through her kid’s diary for this stuff? It’s not that the lyrics don’t clearly tell a story, they just feel a little too immature. The second verse, in particular, sounds like something I’d read from one of my drama-queen friend’s Facebook posts.

“I could get caught up in bitterness
But I’m not dwelling on this crazy mess
I found freedom in the ugly truth
I deserve the best and it’s not you”

Her voice sounds broken

The only thing worse than the lyrics might be the voice singing them. I hate to be a punk. I love Madonna. Even “American Life.” But her voice is fading fast. Perhaps it’s time to start digging up unreleased demos and just save the voice for special-occasion Grammy performances or something.

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Where are the abs?

Let’s talk about those beastly dancers, hm? It’s entirely possible that Madonna was trying to promote acceptance of cross-dressing. If so, we humbly apologize. For real. But, what in the hell is going on with them? I love muscly men as much as the next straight girl, but if they’re going to be ripped, I wanna see some six-packs. Sadly, they’re all hidden by some sort of crazy man-corsets.

The music sounds like elevator rock

Am I in my room on Snapchat? Or am I in my dentist’s office? The background music for “Living for Love” is clearly supposed to have some edgy pop vibe. Instead, it sounds like someone tried to turn Nickelback into elevator music.

Le sigh. I didn’t want it to be this way, Madge. I really want to continue loving Madonna until the day I died. “Living for Love” may be the song that breaks the record player’s needle, though. Check it out on Snapchat. Then come back here for a palate cleanser.

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