Um, hello, how amazing is it that we finally have a Nov. 25 release date and our first sneak peak at present-day Lorelai and Rory? I am more excited about Gilmore Girlscreating new episodes for Netflix than I was when my state legalized gay marriage. Yes, I am deeply ashamed about this.
Here’s what creator Amy Sherman-Palladino must do to redeem the show and revert it to all its former autumnal, quippy and small-town glory:
1. Kill April
I don’t mean to sound harsh here, but it is the only way. It isn’t in Luke’s nature to give up visiting her, and it isn’t fair to viewers to keep this whiny little buzzkill around. Even though this new Gilmore Girls will be set many years later, April will still suck, and I never want to see her ever again.
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2. Reunite Rory and Jess
This isn’t even a matter of giving the viewers what they want — and, yes, Amy, this is what they want — but more a matter of charisma, complementing personalities and attraction. Do what is right for the world.
3. Have Lorelai and Luke stay in Stars Hollow
Enough of this nonsense about selling her inn and traveling the world. Luke and Lorelai had better be married and dealing with no more drama than their daily banter about Lorelai’s health habits.
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4. Acknowledge Richard Gilmore’s passing
Don’t miss this opportunity to honor Edward Herrmann for his steady hand in the show. Emily will be a mess without him, and unfortunately, this must be revealed.
5. Let Michel come out
The show has always been careful to avoid any sort of outright statement about Michel’s sexuality, but it has hinted at it. Give Michel a tall, dark and handsome French boyfriend.
6. Give Christopher and Lorelai a relationship
I’m sure they are amicable, and that Rory and Gigi are quite close. Rory is probably a mentor to Gigi, inspiring her to apply to Chilton.
7. Don’t have Rory live in Stars Hollow yet
It’s not realistic — she will be off working on campaigns or being a badass journalist somewhere. She won’t be in Connecticut — although she will visit often.
8. Keep the theme song
When any show switches a theme song midway through, it’s jarring. To do so now, with Gilmore Girls? *dons Miranda Priestly grimace* Catastrophe. Whether you like it or hate it, the song is familiar, like Stars Hollow’s over-the-top Halloween decorations in the fall, or Kirk’s unnerving dialogue. And with a continuation nearly a decade later, familiar is important.
9. Don’t let David Rosenthal anywhere near the script
Amy Sherman-Palladino herself has never even seen the seventh season of the show, because she feels so strongly that it was done in a way that did not bring the characters justice. And, unfortunately, David Rosenthal had a lot to do with that, as he replaced Palladino when she left the show due to contractual disagreements.
10. Don’t pretend things haven’t changed
A new Gilmore Girls is magical, but it will also be a little heartbreaking to see our childhood is gone and that our favorite show cannot be everlasting. This is true: We must adjust our expectations to acknowledge the time that has passed and the seventh season that cannot be undone.
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