On Wednesday night, I did God’s work and ventured to a very fancy rooftop bar in Rockefeller Center to attend a RHONY viewing party and the launch of Skinnygirl’s latest flavor of premixed margarita (aka, Mommy’s Kool-Aid), Watermelon Lime. I had low hopes for this shindig. I’ve seen the kinds of parties Bethenny Frankel throws on RHONY and they usually involve a club full of sweaty drunk revelers, Frankel in a crazy wig, Ramona Singer screaming about the lack of hot guys and Sonja Morgan breaking a tooth.
I am pleased to report this party was actually kind of classy insofar as it was in a very fancy bar with some breathtaking views of the New York City skyline — a not-cheesy DJ, a well-stocked open bar (if you, as I do, interpret “open” to mean “all the Skinnygirl beverages you can stomach from a giant plastic margarita glass”) and some Mexican-ish passed hors d’oeuvres (fish taco-ettes, teensy quesadilla bites). And I’m pleased to report there was some not-insignificant, unscripted Frankel time wherein I was able to pick up a few pieces of Housewives gossip.
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1. Frankel has a radical new Cleopatra haircut
At first, I was like, “Oh no. Bethenny, what have you done?” but then I was like, “Look, she kind of looks amazing, look at her bone structure, and if Taylor Swift can pull it off why not Bethenny.” I ask you.
2. Ramona Singer called this week’s episode “spellbinding,” and Frankel said “that’s a very big word for Ramona.”
Bethenny is hardly above throwing a little shade at the other Housewives.
3. Housewives superfans would want to know if their fiancé was cheating on them.
Frankel asked the partygoers on Snapchat if they’d “want to know,” meaning would they want to know if someone had caught their fiancé in flagrante delicto kissing a girl at the Regency bar. Um, yes, duh. Even if he did give me a yellow diamond ring that Sonja Morgan described as “cloudy.”
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4. Frankel is engaged?!
Or so she joked! In this clip, she is exulting over how much she loves her Judith Leiber watermelon clutch and says, “I love it so much, I want to marry it. Oh, but I’m already engaged to someone else.” The crowd erupted in screams of “what?!” (that may be me screaming bloody murder you hear). “No, that’s not true,” she said, not totally putting to rest the rumors that have been swirling, but definitely addressing them. Bethenny, oh Bethenny, we don’t know why we care so much about every detail of your private life, but we do. We can’t help ourselves; we do.
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5. Frankel may or may not have been with a boyfriend who may or may not be bald
I’m not winning any paparazzi awards for this (do those exist?), but Frankel was standing behind me with a handsome bald dude and there was some whispering that this was her Steady Freddy. To whom she is or is not engaged. I have no idea. He could have been her bodyguard. He could have been her intern.
6. 94 percent of Frankel’s clothes were bought on sale
She may be worth millions (billions?), but this girl does not pay retail. Her outfit, however, I am sure you will agree was perhaps the most beautiful cantaloupe, pink and white concoction the world has ever seen. The pumps were the same pink as the belt of the dress. Weird color combo but it worked, my friends, it worked.
7. According to Frankel, LuAnn de Lesseps “remarketed” her marriage
I believe what Frankel said was, “LuAnn remarketed her relationship as an open relationship after years of cheating.” This, of course, refers to de Lesseps’ marriage to the count, about which the other Housewives cannot shut up and have over the years insisted was plagued by cheating. Recently, de Lesseps revealed she had an open marriage. Frankel’s not buying it. Did I mention shade? Yeah, it was thrown.
8. To Frankel, interrupting an episode of RHONY is like having your grandmother walk in while you’re orgasming
OK, you saw this week’s episode. It’s pretty much up there with Scary Island as far as being one of the very best Housewives experiences ever. And you know that in the last five minutes, de Lesseps went to Frankel’s Miami hotel room where Frankel almost told her about the photos of Tom D’Agostino kissing a random girl. Imagine a roomful of Housewives fans at a Frankel-hosted viewing party watching this episode, sitting on the edge of their seats, breath held in terror in the final moments of the episode, and the cable cuts out. Darkness. Did Frankel tell her? Did she not? We all cried out in agony — which is when the DJ tried to distract us with some Bethenny Frankel trivia, which, as you can see above, Frankel was not having.
More: Bethenny Frankel did the right thing on RHONY, despite it going horribly wrong
I am pleased to report upon leaving the event, I received a Skinnygirl wine stopper, a white Skinnygirl performance fleece and a Skinnygirl purse-size mirror that I cannot for the life of me figure out how to open. And Frankel did explain to us what happened in the minutes of the episode that we missed, so I’m caught up and raring to go for next week’s episode.
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