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Nicole Kidman‘s professional life might have been going from strength to strength in the early 2000s but her personal life was on the downturn. The actress split from ex-husband Tom Cruise in 2001 in a move that she was reportedly blindsided by. However, the attention on her marriage soon led to a boost in her career.
Now, Dave Karger’s upcoming 50 Oscar Nights book, excerpted by People, the Eyes Wide Shut star is speaking about the career moment that made her realize it was time to take control of her love life after her divorce — her 2003 Academy Awards win.
“I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well,” Kidman said of the moment she won the Best Actress Oscar for her role in The Hours. “That’s what happens, right?”
Kidman, now 53, filmed the drama not long after finalizing her divorce from Cruise, whom she married in 1990 and adopted two children with, a daughter named Isabella and a son named Connor. In Karger’s book, Kidman reveals that the monumental win was bittersweet due to her unhappiness in her love life.
“I’m not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You’ve got to go. You’ve got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award,’” she explained in the book, which will be released on January 23 but is available for pre-order now. “I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn’t feel humble.’ Like, what? You can’t walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate. They’re like, ‘That’s what you do.’”
Despite her feelings, Kidman decided to keep up appearances by attending the famous after party. “So I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking and I didn’t enjoy it,” she recalled. “I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more.”
After leaving the party, she returned to her room in The Beverly Hills Hotel and ate takeout. “I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed,” Kidman said. “That’s when it hit me. I went, ‘I need to find my love; I need a love in my life.’ Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.’”
Later that year, Kidman began dating Lenny Kravitz before briefly getting engaged that same year. Their union didn’t continue for long but, in 2005, Kidman found lasting love with singer Keith Urban. The couple have been married since 2006 and share two kids: daughters Sunday Rose, now 15, and Faith, now 13.
Before you go, click here for a look back at Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s 11-year marriage.
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