Diane Lane: “I’m the person I’ve always wanted to become.

Do you ever resent that you grew up so fast?
Sometimes. But not until I had my daughter, because I got to see each level of development and I thought, Okay, this is what it means to be a child, to be protected, to have that coltish confidence coming in layer by layer. Because I was thrust into the grown-up world of business and acting, I felt like I had to have all this bluster and bravado. Who needs any of that when you’re just trying to be 10 or 11?When REDBOOK talked to you last, you’d been married a year. How’s that going?
I love it. Marriage gets better with time.What have you learned?
Oh, my God, so much. You don’t know how many flaws you have until you’ve lived with someone. It’s humbling just to stick it out. Love is saying you’re sorry. It’s the opposite of those cherub posters that say, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.” Wrong! Love is three sorrys a day. If you haven’t met that quota, something’s wrong. What do you love about Josh?
[She flashes a huge grin] It’s just invigorating to be around him. He is like the mayor in whatever situation he’s in; that’s his nickname on movie sets. He’s that affable and extroverted. He’s the Velcro of whatever show he’s working on, and he’s like that at home too. I’m more like the dormouse. When I’m working, I sneak in and I sneak home. I know my lines and I keep to myself. And I nap at lunch. Josh completes me because I’m so attracted to his otherness. Is that how you two keep the magic alive?
Well, fancy that! [Diane fans herself dramatically] You’re going to get me into trouble! The day I answer that question, we’ll break up, so I can’t answer it. It’s funny, though — sometimes when you’re so busy, just getting time together is the biggest issue. I don’t know how Michelle and Barack Obama do it. They must just say, “Hold on until we get to the White House and I’ll see you in the Lincoln Bedroom, honey!” [Laughs] But if there’s any rule for this sort of thing, it’s a non-rule: Sometimes there’s no replacing chemistry. It sounds kinda cruel, but if you’re not attracted to each other — and we definitely are — it’s going to be an uphill battle. While we’re on hot topics, what’s it like having Barbra Streisand as a stepmother-in-law?
Now you’re really getting me into trouble! [Laughs] No, Barbra is an amazing woman. I especially admire her gift for listening to people. If you go out for dinner with her, she’ll interview everyone in the restaurant. “Excuse me, sir. Where were you born? How many children do you have?” There’s a dearth of people with her level of curiosity. It’s a clue to how she became the powerhouse she is. It’s not about the work we do — it’s about who we are as people that makes all the difference. That’s an interesting sentiment coming from someone who’s spent her whole life in show business.
It’s because I’ve worked for so long that I understand all this, and like I said, I’ve grown to understand that truth. We live our whole lives, and in our dying moment we have to ask ourselves, “What did we really care about? What impact did we make on the world?” The older I get, the more I realize the answers have to do with how we affect and love the people around us. Taking responsibility for our time with people we care about — that can’t wait. We have to ask ourselves now, “Am I following my heart? Am I awake to who I really am? Am I listening to my inner Jiminy Cricket?”