5 Guys we’d love to wake up to (and 5 we wouldn’t)

The Ma-Sheen is great for laughs, but being his bride? Let’s not even joke about how scary that could get. On a somewhat brighter note, assuming no illicit substances are involved, spending a few moments with him post-coma would be the most simultaneously entertaining and terrifying 10 minutes of your entire life. Now that’s an experience to check off your bucket list.

Guess what: Your new husband is a reality show suitor who may or may not be an actual pilot and also is probably a megalomaniac. We can see it now: He’s strutting around the ER, flirting with the nurses and probably finding a nice clean corner of the hospital to do push-ups in. “What? The doctors don’t know who I am? I was on Bachelor Pad, dammit! Do NOT interrupt me!”

True, The Donald is worth billions (or at least he claims to be), but how many more iterations of The Celebrity Apprentice could you sit through and pretend to be fascinated by? Plus, if you’re the type who likes to make over your guy, there’s no way you could get him to change his signature hairstyle. At least you could befriend his daughter, Ivanka Trump, who, by all accounts, seems awesome.

Watch out, self-esteem: Your ego’s new worst nightmare is having Simon Cowell as a husband. Can we even count the number of criticisms you’d be up against on a daily basis? “Your so-called miraculous recovery from your own coma was, frankly, uninspired. I’ve seen soap operas that were more convincing. Do us a favor: Close your eyes, go back toward the darkness, and try it again. The person in the next hospital bed would sell their soul to come back to life in front of me.”