Just as we were about to forgive Mariah Carey for the two hours and $9 we wasted on Glitter, the diva has announced she’ll be starring in a new Christmas movie. But before all you haters start hating, we want to remind you that Carey does possess many talents. Here are 15 of them in GIFs.
It’s all in the eyes
Though we don’t know yet what kind of character Mariah Carey will play in the new Christmas film, we’re certain she can provide a subtle, nuanced performance, should it be necessary. After all, the eyes are the window to the soul.
Eyebrow
While many of today’s great actors studied with top acting teachers in New York or London, Mariah studied at the Dr. Spock School of Eyebrow Acting. That’s almost the same, right?
Hot and bothered
Should the film take place in a warm climate such as New Orleans in the summer, here’s proof Mariah can communicate that she’s hot and bothered, even while wearing breathable fabrics.
She works with animals
A total pro, Mariah has no fear of being upstaged by children or animals, even magical ones. Fun fact: Scotland’s official animal is the unicorn.
A whole lotta leg
Whatever emotions Mariah can’t produce with her facial features, she’ll more than happily act them out with her legs, which have been insured for $1 billion.
She does her own stunts
Because everyone knows the best Christmas movies are full of heart-pounding action scenes, Mariah Carey makes a great casting choice because she does all her own stunts. Please, please let her engage Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in a chase scene through the gritty streets of the North Pole.
Water sports
Adding to her talents as a stunt performer, Mariah is highly skilled at splashing her fingers in water while hanging from an old tire. How many actresses in Hollywood can say that?
Duking it out
The Million Dollar Baby has nothing on Mariah when it comes to the boxing ring. Carey has been known to bulk up before certain athletic roles by wrestling pool noodles in desalinated water, filling empty water jugs with soy sauce and then submerging them in desalinated water and doing squats.
Nurse with a bankroll
Having stretched herself to play so many diverse characters in the past, Mariah Carey finds very few roles intimidating. One example is when she played this nurse who steals from her wealthy traumatic brain injury patients and flings their cash at the poor.
She exudes confidence
While many actresses are self-conscious and uncomfortable with their own bodies, Mariah is completely at ease touching her own breasts while cars whiz by.
Ab muscles
Another talent Mariah Carey possesses is the ability to express her feelings through her abs — a rare technique that even Meryl Streep has yet to master.
Breathing technique
Mariah has developed unusual breathing techniques that help sustain her voice during long monologues or soliloquies. After studying whale sharks off the coast of Sri Lanka, Carey discovered that by simply keeping her mouth open in an “O” shape helped improve her oxygen intake by 3 percent.
Swipe left
Always in command of her fierce attitude on-screen, Mariah can drop a man like a Ham and Cheese Hot Pocket with just a look.
She’s adorbs
Even when Mariah can’t deliver emotionally or physically, she’s full of too many pink, shimmery rainbows to be bothered by what many would perceive as a failure.
Nighty-night
Lastly, if there’s any chance that Mariah Carey’s character is narcoleptic, she’s very, very prepared.
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