Some foods are definitely sexier than others — you’ll have more luck turning your partner on with a strawberry than with spaghetti Bolognese. So before planning your Valentine’s Day menu, have a look where it ranks, sexiness-wise…
Top 5 aphrodisiacs
If you don’t much mind what you look like eating a particular food so long as it gets things stirring, you might want to try these famous aphrodisiacs:
- Oysters: Full of zinc and iron, these slippery suckers affect the production of testosterone and — possibly — sex drive.
- Chilies: If they’re hot enough, they’ll get your nerve endings singing, dancing and turning you on.
- Chocolate: Its combination of serotonin, phenylethylamine (a neurotransmitter associated with love) and caffeine might get you in the mood for love.
- Asparagus: With mighty testosterone-, estrogen- and progesterone-stimulating vitamin E in its arsenal, it might show you a good time.
- Bananas: Their combination of vitamin B and potassium is rumoured to raise your energy levels and strengthen orgasms.
Just look at that strawberry, so smug in its sexiness. It knows it dominates the universal scale of irresistibility. Conversely, delicious spare ribs hide in their shame at the bottom. Luckily on most days it doesn’t matter whether you’re seen in the presence of a turnip or a cherry. But if you’re planning a Valentine’s Day dinner with someone special, you had better know your stuff!
To help you navigate the murky waters of food sexiness and ensure you come out triumphant, we’ve divided foods into five categories in order of irresistibility: the “very sexy,” the “awkwardly alluring,” the “curiously unsexy,” the “not now, not ever” and the “will give you gas.” So read on, learn, and make your Valentine’s dinner a sexy success!
Very sexy
The category
The food that finds itself in this category has nothing to worry about. It is the food equivalent of a Scarlett Johansson and Channing Tatum love child, and it is irresistible.
The poster child
Strawberries. Have you ever seen an unattractive way to eat one? No. That’s because it’s not possible. Not only are strawberries perfectly mouth-shaped, but they’re delightful when dipped in chocolate.
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Awkwardly alluring
The category
The food in this category has no business being sexy, and yet there’s something about its unkempt and unpredictable nature that has you looking in its direction — and licking your lips.
The poster child
Watermelon. It’s large, kind of oafish and requires some degree of slurping, and yet the tender flesh, juiciness and the animalistic non-utensil way it is devoured give it an irresistible bad-boy charm. Plus, in some cultures, it is considered an aphrodisiac.
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Curiously unsexy
The category
At first glance it seems like these foods should make for sexy eating, but upon closer inspection you realize you’d rather watch your grandmother make out with a tree.
The poster child
Lobster. While it seems like a reasonable — even impressive — thing to order at a special dinner, the harsh reality is that lobster involves a lot of excavating. And somewhere between digging around and amassing a collection of shell fragments on your plate, the sexual chemistry makes a polite exit stage left.
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Not today, not ever
The category
The foods in this category cannot be helped. If you order them at your Valentine’s Day dinner, you may as well move to another country and start buying cats by the carton.
The poster child
Spare ribs. While they are delicious and good and everything nice, there’s something about the sight of a person ripping flesh covered in barbecue sauce off bone that sucks the romance out of a room.
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Will give you gas
The category
Frankly it doesn’t matter what the food in this category looks like while being eaten, because it will give you gas, and that’s just not sexy.
The poster child
Baked beans. They have a rhyme written about their magical properties. Enough said.
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More Valentine’s Day food ideas
The cutest heart-shaped foods for Valentine’s Day
Seductive sippers: Valentine’s Day martinis
Valentine’s Day food and wine pairing ideas
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