During football or baseball season, it may not seem like your guy cares at all for you. However, if you tell him you’re buying a battery-operated boyfriend, he might feel differently.
Thinking of buying a vibrator? Go for it. But, if you’re in a relationship, your honey might have some concerns. Whether he chooses to vocalize them or not, be prepared to address these questions:
Am I doing it wrong?
“No way. I just thought it’d be fun to add something new. If you ask nicely, I’ll let you use it on me.”
“Nah, just trying to be closer to your porn star dream girl.”
Will it replace me?
“Will watching your favorite ginger porn star ever replace the real thing? Of course not.”
“Just consider it your back-up on game nights.”
Uhhh… where are you, ya know, putting it?
“Did you have a suggestion?”
“None of your business, buddy. What happens with the vibrator, stays with the vibrator.”
“Well, it says, ‘External use only.’ But, if you take my car and put gas in it, clean the bathroom, take me to Cheesecake Factory for dinner, remember (and then buy) my favorite flowers and spend all evening telling me how beautiful I am… I may let you make the final decision.”
That’s hot. Are you watching porn when you use it?
“Maybe. Wanna help me find a good one?”
“Maybe. How would you feel about that?” (This is sure to shut them up. You know they hate talking about feelings.)
Can I watch?
“I don’t know. Maybe. I may not be as sexy about it as the chick from the video.”
“I guess. But, if I get nervous, will you take over?”
“You know, I really think some things should remain private.”
The most important thing to remember about these conversations is that boys have fragile egos. You may be completely okay with what he does in the shower every morning, but the idea of his girl getting it on with an inanimate object may be worrisome. Put his mind at ease by reminding him that no battery is powerful enough to replace his big strong arms. Seriously. He’ll eat that s*** up.
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