The holidays are almost here, ladies, and you know what that means — it’s time for you and your beau to batten down the hatches so your relationship doesn’t spontaneously combust from all the pressure. (Were those jingle bells, or did the rest of your marbles just fall out?) Here are 15 survival strategies to keep on file so your holidays don’t morph into hell-idays:
1. First, make a pact that you’re in this together.
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2. Have a lot of sex leading up to your travels, since by the time New Year’s rolls around you’ll be virgins again.
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3. Decide who you have to visit as a couple and set dates for the visits. Lock that shit down.
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4. Periodically remind each other: There’s you you…
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5. Then there’s holiday you. One isn’t responsible for the other.
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6. Memorize fake illnesses for each other in case you need to bust them out at a work party.
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7. Or, be each other’s alibis to skip the icky work parties altogether.
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8. Lay all of your family baggage out on the table.
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9. Draw each other a map of every hiding place available at your parents’ houses so you don’t end up doing this:
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10. Pinky swear that any embarrassing stories told by drunk relatives will not be held against you in a court of law.
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11. Schedule meetings in the bathroom to discuss strategy.
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12. Decide on a safe word for when you’re about to go batshit.
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13. When all else fails, drink…
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14. And maybe set aside some bail money. You know, just in case.
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15. Finally, decide on how you’re going to celebrate your relationship’s survival so you have something to look forward to.
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