Women are better at friends with benefits arrangements than men

When you think of friends with benefits, you think of men, right? Men who benefit from having sex without the tie of commitment or promises to keep or anything like it. But a new survey from a sex toy company in the U.K. suggests that more women than men actually are participating in these arrangements.

In a new study by the UK sexy toy brand Lovehoney, it turns out that about two-thirds of women have had a friend with benefits. This is defined as a person with whom we share bodily fluids, but not deep, enduring love. It’s an arrangement. You like each other. But you don’t love each other. And as it turns out, about 64 percent of women have had this kind of casual sex while only 51 percent of men have. It may seem shocking, but apparently it’s true.

So why would women be more amenable to this than men? It’s hard to say, but my guess is that it’s about respect. One of the things that is better about a casual, but friendly arrangement is that you actually get respect from your lover. It’s not a one night stand or a “booty call” necessarily. It’s two people who genuinely care about one another, but maybe not in “that” way. And yes, women are capable of knowing the difference.

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I also fear that part of the FWB arrangement is hope, though. The women I know who have been involved in these arrangements have often hoped for more. And they have often been disappointed. The thing about FWB is that as soon as one of you finds someone who feels more like love, it’s over.

As long as two people can stay on the same page when it comes to this, it works really well. But the danger comes when people can’t. Then people get hurt. Personally, I have always preferred to keep sex as something very intimate and special and part of love. But I know I am more conservative than others. For me, it’s not about judgement, though. It’s about self-protection. I am way too emotionally involved with sex to make casual sex a “thing” I am capable of. But I know I am weird.

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For many other people, it is a “thing,” indeed. And I say, more power to them. Sexuality is powerful and I am glad women are experiencing it their way. Whatever that is.