3. Extroverts
While the stereotype of a woman who gets involved with a psychopath might be that of a mousy, quiet woman who doesn’t know how to stand up for herself, the opposite is often true, says Donna Andersen, founder of LoveFraud, a site that educates people about sociopaths. “The fact that a woman who is a go-getter, ambitious and has a powerful job can get involved with a psychopath is surprising for people, but those are the women who ‘regular’ men are often intimidated by and won’t approach. Sociopaths, however, are magnetic and charismatic and he’s not afraid of someone like that. An extroverted woman may feel like she’s met her match. She may view a ‘regular’ guy as kind of wimpy.”
Women like this often feel like they have the situation under control even as her Mr. Perfect starts to unravel into something far from perfect, keeping her in the relationship longer than she should be. No matter how smart, powerful or together a woman like this is, she will never win with a psychopath.
More: If you don’t yawn when someone else does, you might be a psychopath
4. Older women
By the time a woman gets to be somewhat older, mid-30s and upwards, she’s probably amassed some assets like a car, a house, savings or even just good credit. She may have a good job and a pension coming to her. Never underestimate the psychopath’s ability to mine a woman’s assets, whether financial or emotional. Additionally, an older woman might feel that the psychopath, especially when he turns on the charm, is her second chance at love after a divorce or death of a spouse. If she wants children and is nearing the end of her childbearing years, she may override her instincts or good sense in order to cling on to her last chance at being a mother or wife, no matter how undesirable that last-chance guy is starting to look.
If she’s been cocooned in a happy marriage for decades before meeting the psychopath, she probably has no idea that psychopaths can be charming, well-educated and well-dressed, as her exposure to psychopathy is limited to hearing about serial killers on the news.
“It’s a big problem for mature women because by [the time a woman is older] they probably have some assets and have a lot to offer the men. In the meantime, the men at that age have perfected their scam and they know exactly what to say to a woman to reel her in,” says Andersen.
Being well-off financially, being eager to find love before she is too old and being unaware of what a psychopath is and what the red flags are all combine to make older women a prime target.
5. Having a great relationship with your father
We tend to think of women who get involved with toxic men as having come from dysfunctional families where they never learned what a healthy relationship is — and no doubt that can be true. But, surprisingly, having a healthy, loving relationship with your father can leave you vulnerable to a psychopath.
If you grew up with a dad who was always there for you, you may have a hard time believing that there are bad men out there. Donna Andersen, who wrote a memoir about her marriage to a man she considers a psychopath, and who also is close with her father, says: “I was clueless. I had no idea that this type of bad person existed unless they looked like a criminal. When a guy comes along wearing a sport jacket, a cravat and is talking about business things… I just had no clue somebody like that could be disordered.” Andersen’s husband ended up bilking her out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. She also found out he was lying about nearly every aspect of his life, and even had a baby with another woman while they were married.
6. Committed to the relationship
While being committed to your relationship is a good thing, women who commit to a relationship over their own emotional health can be ripe targets for a psychopath. Andersen and her coauthor Dr. Leann Leedom, a psychiatrist, surveyed 1,300 people who were involved with disordered personalities and being committed to the relationship was one of the top three traits those people had. “The problem is, those people are committed to the sociopath over themselves,” says Andersen.
7. You could be hardwired
Brown says that women who have the supertraits that may make them more susceptible to psychopaths could have been born that way. They tend to be women who have high levels of trust, compassion, tolerance, attachment and low levels of harm avoidance. They simply do not see the red flags that others might, until it’s too late. Once a woman like this gets involved with someone, no matter how toxic the person turns out to be, it’s very difficult for her to disengage. Women with high levels of trust will often give all-encompassing trust to a man before it’s earned. “Most people think when they meet someone new, ‘I don’t know you from Adam, you’re going to earn my trust and that is built over time,’ but women with supertraits will start out by thinking, ‘I don’t know you from Adam, but you are probably just like me.’ They won’t withdraw their trust until it’s violated over and over. That kind of blind trust is dangerous.”
Guard yourself
Some good ways to psychopath-proof yourself: Set firm boundaries and don’t let anyone cross them no matter how much he is guilting you; listen to your gut and don’t override your instincts out of an eagerness to please or to have your last chance at love; do not dismiss or minimize red flags such as lying, cheating or abusive behavior; do not take responsibility for someone else’s actions, even if that person is doing his best to blame you. And most importantly, realize you can’t change anyone, and that your mental, physical and emotional health is more important than keeping a relationship together no matter what.
Before you go, check out our slideshow below.
Leave a Comment