Recently, I conducted an independent survey involving 127 women from 11 countries across the world. I asked what they thought men needed to know when it comes to dating. I think you’ll appreciate a few verbatim quotes I’m sharing directly from the data. Be sure to share these ideas on Facebook — and tag your male friends who you feel would benefit from the wisdom and insight.
1. Don’t ever assume we are actually interested in you
- Just because I accepted your invitation to dinner doesn’t mean I have any sexual interest in you. (26-30 years old, Australia)
- Sometimes when women say yes to a date it’s not because they want you — or sex. Sometimes they are just lonely. (26-30 years old, Australia)
- Don’t make romantic assumptions because we enjoy your company. (61+ years old, Australia)
- Going out with a guy does not mean we want to continue going out with them or go any further. (31-40 years old, United States)
- Just because a girl wants to go and get coffee or something, doesn’t necessarily mean they want to date you. (18-25 years old, Australia)
2. Stop talking and start actually listening — which is different from pretending to listen
- A date is not a monologue about you and your life. A woman is not there to be talked at for your entertainment. (31-40 years old, Australia)
- It’s men who talk too much, not women! We don’t want to hear all about your life. Let us get to know you naturally, not by your damn sales pitch! (26-30 years old, Australia)
- A date is about a two-way conversation. Both of you should ask questions about each other. Don’t just talk about yourself. (41-50 years old, Australia)
3. Treat your date with dignity and decency, not as a sex object.
- Women are individual human beings first, not sex objects who happen to be human. Get to know me. (41-50 years old, Canada)
- Never expect sex. You don’t own her body just because you’re dating her. (26-30 years old, United Kingdom)
- Just because we’ve swapped numbers doesn’t mean I want to send you pictures of my body, nor does it mean I want to receive dick pics. (26-30 years old, Australia)
4. Be a gentleman!
- Chivalry is dead? False. Revive it, because there is nothing more of a turnoff than dating someone who is consumed with themselves. This goes for daters of all genders. Hold the door for your date, offer to walk the long way so they don’t get their shoes wet in a puddle, walk with them to the door at the end and wait until they are inside before you drive away. And turn off your phone! Be present, courteous and kind. (23-30 years old, Australia)
- Pretend you have a daughter and she’s of dating age. Act like the kind of gentleman you would feel comfortable with your daughter dating. (31-40 years old, United States)
5. Paying for the date does not make you entitled to anything
- You paid for my meal. My body is not up for sale. (14-17 years old, United States)
- Paying for the date doesn’t mean I have to repay you with sex. Sex is not a thank you. (14-17 years old, United States)
6. Agreeing to be in your company does not equate to us consenting to physical acts
- News flash, guys, I’m not interested in touching your penis just because I agreed to go to dinner or the movies with you. (26-30 years old, Australia)
- Don’t touch me. I don’t know you. (18-25 years old, Australia)
- No matter how long you have been dating a woman, you have no entitlement whatsoever to sexual acts, and you cannot justify sexual pressure as a request for a compromise from her. (31-40 years old, Australia)
7. We glam ourselves up for us, not you!
- I didn’t get ‘dolled up’ for you. It was for me. (14-17 years old, United States)
- When I get dressed up, I’m trying to look good for myself, not for you. (41-50 years old, Australia)
- Just because I make an effort in looking nice or sexy does not mean I have intentions of having sex. (14-17 years old, United States)
8. No means no — and she can change her mind at anytime
- Don’t take anything other than a verbal “yes” as consent for sex. (31-40 years old, United States)
- When I say “no,” I don’t mean “Yes! But I want you to see me like a delicate flower, so I am saying ‘no.’ Please use your manliness to make me say yes.” “No” really does mean “no.” (18-25 years old, Australia)
- Women are allowed to change their mind. This applies to everything. (26-30 years old, Australia)
- A girl can change her mind. If you continue after a “no,” it’s rape. (26-30 years old, Australia)
9. Be yourself and don’t try to show off or pretend to be someone you’re not
- Lying and bragging about yourself is not impressive. (18-25 years old, Australia)
- Be yourself. Don’t talk yourself up. It only leads to disappointment when she finds out the truth! (31-40 years old, Australia)
- Mentioning the other girls you are seeing at the same time is not sexy, and will guarantee you won’t get a second date. I’m either your all or your nothing! (26-30 years old, Australia)
10. Not only do we want to be entertained, we want to return from the date even smarter than when we left
- Stimulate her mind with interesting conversation, personality counts, also. (31-40 years old, Australia)
- Don’t treat it like a job interview. Have fun. (31-40 years old, Australia)
- A date is an educational experience. What are we learning from you? (41-50 years old, Australia)
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