It isn’t easy to get men to ‘fess up to sex positions and acts that they don’t like. Ask the question and expect the following in return: smiles, long periods of silence (spent smiling), shrugs, claims that “all positions are good,” followed by more silence, and, finally, reluctant acknowledgement that, OK, maybe there are one or two things I wouldn’t write home about.
In truth, if given the choice between having to have sex in one of these positions for an eternity, or never having an orgasm with another person again, I don’t think I have to tell you the clear choice for most men would be to endure the agony of a lifetime of 69. But, for the record, here are five sex positions and acts that some men say they secretly wish could be replaced with a classic and vanilla, but always welcome, blow job.
1. 69
For any woman who has ever felt self-conscious about receiving oral sex, 69 seems like the perfect solution: You can take your mind off of your body by keeping active and giving your partner oral while simultaneously getting the gift of insane pleasure in return. But, guess what? Many men complained that 69 doesn’t allow them to concentrate on you and your needs (which is the best thing you can possibly hear) and work their tongue magic in ways that will drive you to ecstasy. And there are logistical problems with 69, to boot: especially if you’re partner is 6’2″ and you’re 5’1″. It simply isn’t comfortable.
More: 7 Weird things that can actually happen during sex
2. Testicle play
As every woman’s magazine has been teaching women for decades, all men secretly want us to play with their testicles. Right?! Unless you know your way around that sensitive region (which I assume means you have to be a doctor), a lot of men would rather you quit reading Cosmo tips and leave the testicles alone. As James R. admitted to me: “We aren’t so crazy about having our balls played with unless you really know what to do with balls. They’re very sensitive and it can be uncomfortable if you don’t know what you’re doing.”
3. Anal sex
Similar to the great testicle myth, lots of women I’ve spoken with over the years assume their partners would die happy if they would just let them have anal sex already. While it makes for hot dirty talk, lots of men say the reality of anal sex is that it can be messy, complicated, painful (for both the woman and man if there isn’t enough lube involved) and more trouble than it’s worth. “It seems like a hot idea, but in practice it’s messy and has more drawbacks than positives,” says Brian P. “I’ve never heard a guy describe anal and say it was enjoyable.”
More:6 Anal sex positions for the first-timer
4. Rough woman-on-top action
Before a bunch of men shout at their computer screens that this is nonsense and I’m trying to ruin their incredible sex lives, allow me to explain. Men love (“love” isn’t a strong enough word to describe the emotion felt) when women get on top of them and really get into it. The trouble comes when we try to turn ourselves into porn stars and go hog wild, without any regard for whether we’re bending or trying to break off our partner’s penis. “Nice and easy is good enough,” says Dylan M.
More: The pressure to act like porn stars is ruining sex
5. Reverse cowgirl
Similar to men’s complaints about rough woman-on-top action, some men said the mere sight of their partner facing the opposite direction is enough to make them orgasm in seconds, but this can be a tricky position. Serious damage can be done to a man’s penis if we lean too far forward or get carried away and bounce so hard that we forget there’s another human being involved in our pursuit of pleasure. When in doubt, start off slowly and feel it out before letting loose.
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