Happy National Masturbation Month to all the single ladies! If you’re anything like me, I prefer masturbation to having random, casual sex with a man with whom I cannot mesh outside of the bedroom. In fact, for me to feel comfortable to have sex with a man, I need three things to be in agreement: my mind, body and soul. That doesn’t happen often, so in the meantime I employ B.O.B. (my battery operated boyfriend).
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I could give you a list as to why it’s preferable to employ B.O.B. than some random guy I meet at a bar while out, but I think you are aware of the detriments to letting some strange man follow you home and enter your body — violence, disease and drama to name a few. Instead let me tell you how great B.O.B. is:
1. B.O.B. is always ready to please
A few batteries is all that B.O.B. requires to be ready to perform optimally. Even if I’ve run out of batteries, B.O.B. still can deliver a leg shaking orgasm in less than three minutes. Some random guy may get himself to climax in three minutes, but I’ve yet to meet a man who was that skilled on my body — especially for the first time. Furthermore, B.O.B. is never too tired, never needs to watch the game; he is ready to go as soon as I am and as many times as I am. B.O.B. is skilled in giving me multiple orgasms until I’m curled up like a fetus sleeping peacefully.
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2. B.O.B. and I are exclusive
I enjoy knowing that B.O.B.’s motto is safety first. Rather than hook up with a guy who is hooking up with other women when not in my presence, I have an exclusive relationship with B.O.B. His only job is to please me, and he and I take that very seriously. No one borrows B.O.B. No one tries to steal B.O.B. He is mine and mine alone.
3. There is no walk of shame after being with B.O.B.
When I awake from the thrilling session I had the night before, I don’t need to try to figure out where my panties are and try to quietly sneak out of some random man’s house before he wakes up. I don’t have to be seen outside the next day looking like last night. I don’t need to run to the pharmacy for a Plan B because of a mishap with the condom. I am home — safe, relaxed and satisfied. Maybe even ready for a morning round with B.O.B. to start off the day right.
I appreciate B.O.B. and being a sexy, single woman who loves having intimate moments to herself — loving on myself, kissing on myself and rubbing on myself. I’m just doing me, literally. Furthermore, B.O.B. helps me not settle for less because the guy who puts B.O.B. on the unemployment line is going to have to go harder than my battery operated boyfriend, in and out of the bedroom.
How about you, ladies: Is B.O.B. your preference or do you need a maintenance man to take you there?
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Dena Reid, Esq., is the founder of Code Red Flag and author of Flag On the Play: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right in a World Full of Mr. Right Nows
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