Blake and Gwen don’t represent most people’s journey to healing after divorce

Blake Shelton has recently credited his relationship with Gwen Stefani for getting him through his divorce. While Blake and Gwen seem to have a great relationship that developed and grew that worked out for them, it is not necessary to have another relationship to feel better after a loss.

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Replacing one relationship with another isn’t always such a good idea. The timing seems lucky for them, but it’s important not to jump into a new relationship to replace the old one because it won’t necessarily heal you after a breakup or divorce. It can be part of the healing process, but it is by no means a foolproof method.

So much emphasis on social media goes into whom is dating and marrying whom, but being single is really a time to understand yourself and prepared for future relationships. I understand that most people like to be with a partner and try to replace an old relationship with a new one as fast as they can, but there is nothing wrong with taking the time to learn about yourself as an individual instead of a couple.

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The time for healing after a relationship ends can be invaluable. Being alone is a great time to focus on individuality and self-care. It’s a useful time to figure out what relationship patterns you need to shift for the next one. Being content without a relationship is much more valuable then always being in a relationship.

Yes, new relationships are exciting and fun — much more appealing than feeling sad and lonely — but as a marriage and family therapist, I would recommend learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings of being without relationship. You cannot heal or grow by ignoring negative feelings. It’s a time to put yourself first. Figure out what you want and what your values are after such a huge transition before you jump into a new relationship. It’ll help the next time around be much more successful.

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