Finally — Lipstick for Your Labia That Glues You Shut During Your Period

Menstruating people, rejoice — a male chiropractor in Kansas has solved all our pesky period problems with one handy product.

Naturally, it’s called “Mensez,” an appropriate name for something designed for women by a man who has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. (And conveniently, also sounds like “menses.” Get it?)

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Word of this revolutionary product spread quickly after Facebook user Thea Butler screen-grabbed and shared the Mensez advertisement, which describes itself as “a natural combination of amino acids and oil in a lipstick applicator that is applied to the lips downunder [sic] during the period.”

Mensez bills itself as lipstick for your labia because that sounds cute and women like pretty, girly things like lipstick, and calling it “super vag sealer” might be off-putting. In reality, you’re supposed to use it to glue your labia together during your period so you stop leaking blood like poorly wrapped fresh meat in the bottom of a paper grocery bag.

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This raises the question of whether its creator, Dr. Daniel Dopps, is even aware of what lipstick does when applied to actual face lips: Does he think it’s something invented to glue women’s mouths shut?

So how does this life-changing invention work? Facebook ad, tell me more!

“[Mensez] causes [the labia] to stick together, strong enough to prevent leakage that is until the user urinates. The urine instantly unsticks the labia and allows everything to wash out into the toilet, wipe and reapply Mensez lipstick.”

Using this logic, it’s clear that Dopps thinks that urine and period blood come out of the same hole. They do not. He is also under the assumption that this magical labia lipstick is strong enough to seal in thick period blood and related menstrual discharge, but disappears at the first sign of urine.

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As it turns out, Dopps does actually have a patent for Mensez, filed in 2011 and secured on Jan. 10, 2017. But as vagina-quackery-debunker extraordinaire Dr. Jen Gunter, an actual OB-GYN, wrote on her blog, menstrual products in the United States require FDA approval, so you won’t see it on the shelves of your local CVS any time soon.

Gunter also rightfully points out that “if this guy has truly invented safe, reversible, non toxic skin glue strong enough to hold the labia together for 8 hours that only dissolves with urine and not blood then it would have many applications in wound care and the operating room and Pharma or the military would be fighting over it.” 

In case it wasn’t clear, definitely do not glue your labia together during your period or any other time, no matter what an unqualified old white dude in Kanas tells you.