I have a little gem hidden in the back of my closet; it’s my bullet. She’s waterproof, silent and as much as I enjoy using it, I don’t bring it out to play as often as I would like to. When I purchased it, I was with a friend who had one. She told me to be careful and not use it too much.
“I think I am addicted to mine,” she whispered into her hand as she looked down at the floor. “I used to be able to orgasm without it, but now I need it. Every time.”
As wonderful as my time with my bullet is, it feels like a forbidden piece of chocolate cake staring me down that’s not mine for the taking because as soon as I have a bite, I’m going to eat the whole damn thing, and there won’t be any cake for anyone else.
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I was worried about forming a vibrator addiction, so I consulted another friend who I know enjoys her vibrator by herself and with her partner. She had heard you could become addicted as well and said she made sure to self-stimulate too.
“We don’t use my vibrator every time we have sex, and so far, it hasn’t been a problem for me to climax without it. I would be really upset if that was the case — so would my husband,” she told me.
If I spent too much time toying around with my vibrator would I need it to orgasm? I certainly don’t want it to replace other forms of stimulation — it’s all too fun and wonderful not to reap the benefits. If women want to have a healthy relationship with their vibrators and sexual partners alike, do we really have to choose?
Nope. According to Dr. Jess O’ Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist, told SheKnows that women don’t need to be afraid or something that brings them great pleasure for fear we won’t be able to have an orgasm without a device that needs batteries.
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“There is no evidence suggesting that women become ‘addicted’ to their vibrators,” she explained. “You may prefer using a vibrator or find that reaching orgasm is more likely when you use one, but this does not mean you’re addicted.”
As O’Reilly mentioned, each body is different, and if you require vibrators to reach orgasm, this is simply an indication of your specific needs, and it’s totally fine.
“Orgasm is not the only measure of pleasure — you can derive all sorts of pleasure from other activities (kissing, stroking, touching, fingering, oral, etc.) and turn to your vibe for orgasm without any concern that you’re addicted,” she added.
But O’Reilly does warn that you should not rely solely on your vibrator to bring you to orgasm because changing things up keeps things fresh and exciting.
For example, you may find that self-stimulation in conjunction with vibrator use feels even better than using the vibe on its own. And if you’re really worried about overusing your toy, you can always switch things up at the last minute — she suggested bringing yourself 98 percent of the way to orgasm with your vibrator and then use your hands (or your partner’s hands) or another body part for the final stretch.
“You can reprogram your brain and body to respond to a variety of stimuli, but rest assured that there is nothing wrong with you if orgasm comes faster (or harder) when you use a vibrator,” O’Reilly said. “Just like we add seasoning to food to enhance its flavor, so too can we add props and human-made inventions to sex to make it more exciting.”
While some women worry their partners may not want them to experiment with vibrators because they may view them as a replacement, they shouldn’t be afraid of that. A recent study from The Kinsey Institute polled over 3,000 respondents and 70 percent of men reported that they have no issue with their female lovers using a battery-operated device in bed.
“Men understand that while vibrators can help to produce mind-blowing orgasms, they are not a replacement for human touch, affection and connection,” O’Reilly said.
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So, good news: You can enjoy your vibrator and not worry about it taking the place of hands, tongues, penises or other forms of stimulation you enjoy. It really is true. My fear of becoming dependent on my vibrator has vibrated away with my last orgasm. It is no longer a forbidden piece of cake — more like a piece of cake I can enjoy once a week with no guilt. Now go stock up on those batteries. I know I will!
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