Let’s face it: when your teen starts gushing about their latest crush, it’s tempting to dismiss it off as just another passing phase. You might be tempted to say, “Oh honey, you’ll move on soon enough,” or “Trust me, this is just puppy love.” But here’s the thing: what seems small to us can feel monumental to them. That so-called “puppy love” might hit your teen like a tidal wave of emotions, and how we respond as parents plays a crucial role in whether they feel validated and supported or dismissed and belittled.
Why Teen Relationships Matter
Remember your first crush? We’ve all been there, feeling like that person was the most important person on the planet. Sure, time and perspective teach us otherwise, but for our teens, these relationships are huge. They’re a training ground for future relationships, helping teens figure out what they want (and don’t want) in a partner.
They’re learning to communicate, to trust, and to set boundaries. By brushing off their emotions, we’re sending a message that their feelings are unimportant. And that can have a lasting impact on their self-esteem and ability to form healthy relationships in the future. Spoiler alert: that’s not the vibe we’re going for.
Think about it this way: how would you feel if someone minimized your big emotions? Imagine sharing something deeply personal only to hear, “Oh, that’s nothing. You’ll get over it.” Ouch, right? That’s exactly how our teens feel when we dismiss their romantic experiences.
There’s another consequence to consider, too: that approach can backfire. Teens might feel like they can’t come to us for advice or support when things get tough. Instead of building an open, trusting relationship, we risk adding one more wall between us—something they definitely don’t need. Teens already deal with enough walls; they don’t need one more between them and their parents.
Why Do We Dismiss Teen Love?
Before exploring how to better support our teens, let’s talk about why we tend to dismiss their relationships. Often, it stems from a place of love and experience. We’ve been through breakups and heartaches, and we know that most teen romances don’t last forever. But here’s the catch: knowing that doesn’t matter. For your teen, this is happening now, and it’s very real.
Sometimes, it’s also about our own fears. We might worry about them getting hurt or making mistakes. Dismissing their relationships can feel like a way to shield them from pain, but it doesn’t build resilience or help them navigate the ups and downs of love. In fact, it does the opposite.
How to Show Up for Your Teen’s Romantic Life
So, how do we do better? How do we support our teens without rolling our eyes or minimizing their emotions?
Validate Their Feelings: Instead of saying, “This won’t last,” try something like, “I can see how much this person means to you.” A little acknowledgment goes a long way in making them feel heard and respected.
Stay Curious: Check in and open-ended questions like, “What do you like about them?” or “How do they make you feel?” You’re not prying; you’re showing genuine interest in something that matters to them. Plus, it’s a great way to get to know the person they’re spending so much time with.
Share Your Own Stories (With Limits): Talking about your first crush or heartbreak can normalize their feelings. Just don’t go overboard with the details, because this is about them, not you. And please, skip the “when I was your age” speeches — it’s never as endearing as we think.
Teach Them About Healthy Relationships: Use the opportunity to discuss respect, boundaries, and communication. These lessons are invaluable and can shape how they approach relationships for years to come. For example, if you notice something concerning, gently ask, “I’m sorry they made you feel guilty for spending time with your friends. Do you think that’s okay?” These conversations help them recognize healthy and unhealthy dynamics.
Be Their Safe Space: If things don’t work out, resist the urge to say, “I told you so.” Instead, offer comfort and reassurance with a simple “I’m here for you.” Heartbreak is tough, but it’s also essential for growth. Your job is to be their soft place to land.
The Bigger Picture
Supporting your teen’s romantic relationships isn’t just about this moment. It’s about building a foundation of trust and open communication that will serve them (and you) well into adulthood. When teens feel like you’re in their corner, they’re more likely to turn to you for guidance, whether it’s about relationships, school, or life challenges.
It’s also a chance to help them develop emotional intelligence. By taking their feelings seriously, you’re teaching them to do the same. They learn to value their emotions and approach relationships with empathy and respect.
Yes, your teen’s love life might feel like drama central or your grandma’s favorite telenovela, but it’s also an incredible opportunity to strengthen your relationship with each other. By showing up with empathy, curiosity, and maybe even a dash of humor, you’re teaching them that they deserve respect and understanding in all their relationships.
So, next time your teen gushes about their crush or cries over a breakup, remember: those feelings are real, even if the relationship doesn’t last. And who knows? That “fleeting” romance might just be their first step toward understanding love, heartache, and everything in between. Your role is simple but powerful: be there, listen, and never underestimate the importance of a teenage heart.
Welcome to Family Reset, a monthly column and must-go destination for all parents seeking guidance (and grasping for some sanity) in the wild adventure of raising children. Behind this compelling and candid read is New York psychotherapist, writer, editor, and “mommyyy” Zuania Capó, (or just call her Z), a compassionate, multicultural, and integrative therapist passionate about supporting families to thrive and connect. Armed with a touch of wisdom, insightful tips, a witty spirit, tons of honesty, and a sprinkle of humor, she is here to help you navigate the complexities of parenthood while prioritizing your well-being.
Family Reset is not just a source of advice; it’s a vibrant community where parents can find inspiration, share their stories, and realize they are not alone in the exhilarating roller coaster ride of parenting. Have questions? Want answers? Get ready to hit that reset button and connect with Z at [email protected].
Before you go, shop our favorite skincare brands your teen will love:
Leave a Comment