When the holidays reach their peak, so does your yearly holiday stress-fest. Over 40 percent of Americans say their stress increases during the holiday season, according to a recent American Psychological Association survey, and honestly, it doesn’t surprise us. As exciting and joyful as this time of year can be, it’s also comes with last-minute work projects, stretched-to-the-limit gift budgets, tons of travel, and the overwhelming expectation that this needs to be the most wonderful time of year, even if you’re feeling anything but jolly.
It may feel like the anxiety and the mental health challenges overshadow the whole season. And while all those feelings and experiences are valid, if you’re looking to feel a little more joy this time of year, there are things you can do to make all the holiday-centric stress more manageable. And we’re giving them to you, straight from the experts. Think of it as a holiday gift you’ll actually use.
Pinpointing the root cause (or, let’s be real, causes) of your holiday stress is the place to start. They’ll vary from person to person, but the therapists we spoke to highlighted seven common factors:
High expectations: “There is so much emphasis placed on this being the ‘most wonderful time of the year,'” licensed social worker Kara Kushnir, clinical director and founder of A Work of Heart Counseling, tells SheKnows. From giving the perfect gifts to making sure you make an appearance at every holiday party, we push ourselves to live up to these often “unrealistic or unhelpful” expectations, Kushnir says, at the expense of our energy and mental health. “Parents, especially, feel the stress of this time of year as they often are seeking to be ‘enough’ of a parent,” she adds.
Financial strain: The financial burden of the holidays is very real. Take into account the “gifts, travel, splurges because we’re stressed (e.g. eating out more vs. when we have more time to prepare meals),” and it all adds up fast, Dr. David Rosmarin, associate professor at Harvard Medical School and author of Thriving With Anxiety, tells SheKnows.
Loss of routine: Traveling, taking time off work, or having your kids home from school can turn your usual schedule upside down, and that might be stressing you out more than you realize. “During the holiday season, a lot of our routines get tossed out the window temporarily due to all the special events and changes in schedules,” psychotherapist Beth Charbonneau tells SheKnows. “While this novelty can be fun, it can also throw us off because our routines can help keep us steady and functioning well — how we eat, sleep, and take care of ourselves day to day.”
Seasonal Affective Disorder: If you start feeling blue or stressed when the weather gets colder, you’re not alone. “Some people experience a form of depression known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which tends to occur during the winter months,” therapist Eden Katz tells SheKnows. “The lack of sunlight by 5 p.m. and colder weather can contribute to feelings of sadness and general stress.”
Overwork and burnout: Whether you’re working straight through the holidays or pushing yourself to finish end-of-year projects before your PTO days, this is a high-stress season at work. “Time off can be great for stress,” Rosmarin says, “but Americans tend to overwork before and after holidays, which offsets any gains.”
Uncomfortable family interactions: Family time isn’t always blissful. Just dealing with the “emotional dynamics of family gatherings” can bring plenty of stress, Charbonneau says, especially if you’re not on the best terms with your family or don’t see eye to eye on big issues.
Year-end anxiety: Coming to the end of another year comes with its own stress and anxiety. Transitioning from one year to the next marks the passage of time, Charbonneau explains, which “can bring up loss, disappointment, and fears about the future.”
Managing holiday stress: 7 tips from therapists
Put together, all these factors can turn into a perfect (snow)storm of stress, anxiety, and depression around the holidays. So what can you do about it? Here’s what our experts said.
Examine your expectations: Part of all that holiday stress is the feeling that you need to feel a certain way or have certain experiences, “or that you are responsible for the enjoyment of others,” Charbonneau says. When you notice yourself veering into these patterns, take a pause. “Where did these ideas come from — your family, advertisers, social media? Try to sift out what’s true to you and what you can let go of,” she suggests. While you’re at it, make room to accept the full range of your feelings this holiday season, even the ones that aren’t all merry and bright.
Prioritize: Along the same lines, decide what’s important to you this holiday season, and then ask yourself why. “Is it because of what you think you ‘should’ be doing, or does it feel really authentic and good to you deep down?” Kushnir says. “Coordinating, scheduling, planning and the rest of the mental tasks parents (especially moms) take on don’t have to occur if you are willing to reduce what you say yes to, in favor of what your gut says ‘heck, yes’ to!”
Find your structure: It’s OK to let go of your normal routine over the holidays. Sleep in, eat a late brunch, skip a few workouts — you deserve to relax! But if you’re struggling with stress or anxiety, consider putting a loose structure in place. “Think about the routines and structures that are most supportive of your physical and mental well-being and make sure to adapt them for your needs in the season,” Charbonneau recommends. If you’re struggling to figure out that new schedule, therapist Heidi McBain suggests focusing on your basic needs, “like getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet for your body, staying hydrated, moving your body, connecting with people around you,” she tells SheKnows.
Schedule your self-care: We know, we know — who has time for self-care during the holidays? Well, that’s part of the problem. “Often self-care falls to the bottom of everyone’s list this time of year, but it’s usually one of the most important things to keep you feeling good,” McBain says. Make time for the self-care habits make you feel best — like therapy, exercise, meditation, journaling, or mindfulness — even if it’s just for five minutes in the morning or between parties.
Create a budget: If financial stress is hitting hard, do your best to make a budget — and stick to it, Katz says. If that means saying no to some travels or family visits, ask if you can schedule a FaceTime call instead. If the gifts are what’s hurting your wallet, consider “alternatives to traditional gift-giving,” Katz adds, “such as homemade gifts or organizing gift exchanges.”
Respect your boundaries and energy level: It might feel like you have to say yes to everything this time of year, but you don’t. (We promise.) Be realistic about what events you actually want to go to, and what people you truly want to spend time with, and plan your schedule accordingly. And while you’re doing that, be sure to budget in time to slow down. As much as we want to take advantage of time off of work or school, sometimes what we really need is “to rest and recharge,” Kushnir says. “This helps reduce the stress and provide a balance between the hustle and bustle.”
Acknowledge this year’s experiences: In between all the last-minute cookie-baking and gift-buying, take a moment to reflect on the year you’ve just lived. “Be proud of what you did well. Honor what was really hard for you. Savor any moments of joy or happiness that came along,” Charbonneau says. Whether it was your best year or far from it, you made it through and grew as a result. Give yourself a quiet moment to reflect on it and feel some gratitude.
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