Reignite the passion

The relationship is a person, too…

Lisa Steadman, a relationship journalist for The Breakup Chronicles, www.BreakupChronicles.com and author of It’s a Breakup Not a Breakdown says: “Whether you’re married for years, have children, and/or just feel the spark is waning, it’s important to reignite that spark. You may need a shift in thinking. First, start thinking of your relationship as a third party. You, your partner, and the relationship are all active members of the same triangle. Not only do you and your partner have needs, but your relationship has needs. If you neglect it, you lose the spark.”

How do you reclaim the spark? She advises: “Make time for slowing down, i.e. turn the TV off, set aside time to not talk about the kids, the bills, the debt, work. Talk to the other person about them. Light candles, listen to soft music, touch without being sexual. Just BE together. Kiss. Be kind, nurturing. Give back rubs. Go on a date. Invite play into the bedroom. Whether that’s cuddling, toys, sexy lingerie, whatever works for both of you. Don’t always make this time about sex. Sometimes in order to get back to sex, you need to first get back to loving and being loved as a couple. Stimulate your senses to stimulate the sexual/sensual appetite.”

How men are like puppies

“In a way, men sometimes are like cute pet puppies. A man would much rather roll around in the mud or dig holes in the yard than spend time making his relationship better,” Dr. McClary says. “Now I am not saying men are like dogs or that they should come panting when you whistle. I am saying that many lessons about living with men can be learned from observing ever-faithful canine companions. All obedience schools are based on the reward system, so it’s probably worth applying some of their basic principles.”

Dr. McClary also has seven tips to keeping romance alive:

• Have a weekly date night. Take turns deciding what each of you would like to do each time. Have fun being together, just the two of you, for a few hours each week. Go out to eat, on a picnic, for a walk, play miniature golf, to the office and fool around, go bowling, and on and on.
• Drop it! Let go of all the past crap he’s put you through. Start fresh, right now. Begin making new memories. Discover each other all over again. After all, he’s dating a new, wonderful, wild woman. Let the woman be fully present on your “dates.”
• Be passionate! No more little pecks on the check, little shoulder top hugs, or weak “love ya’s.” Come on you empowered woman! Go the distance. At least once a day, kiss him like you really mean it. When you hug each other, make sure you give a full-blown, juicy, full body bear hug (stiffness or tense hugging does not count). When he says “love ya,” stop what you are doing, walk over to him, look him in the eyes, and say “I love you, too. I mean I really do love you!” Enjoy the feelings this invokes
• Go the extra mile. Leave love notes, send cards, take him out to dinner, dance with him or for him, make him lemonade and cookies — do something a little extra, just for him, and just for the heck of it.
• Notice him. When he comes home, stop for a minute and welcome him home. If he’s home before you, acknowledge his presence in a loving way. Remember, you are healed and whole now. This will make you feel good, like you are giving him the precious gift of being loved by you.
• Take vacations together. Make sure that at least one vacation, even if just for a weekend or one full night, is just for the two of you.
• When you feel you and your man have finally developed Real Love, get married again. Jim and I went to Las Vegas to the Mission of the Bells chapel. It was great. The re-marriage package included a limo with a bar and TV (I had to promptly confiscate the remote), the church service, minister, music, flowers, and champagne. It was perfect! All that was missing was an Elvis impersonator to “give me away!” We honeymooned at Caesar’s Palace. The best part was that my ever-awakening husband planned every bit of this. A Real Love marriage, and honeymoon — aah, life doesn’t get much better than that.

Next: What does The Love Doctor prescribe?