No doubt there are men out there in dating circulation who are “immature,” “unable to commit,” and/or “not ready for a relationship.” However, for every one of these men, I would reason that there is probably a corresponding woman who uses these rationalizations in order to ignore the part that she played in the breakup. Are you one of them? Below are four common mistakes women make that drive men away.
1. Over-thinking It
Books like “He’s Just Not That Into You” may be commercial successes, but they also have given women more reasons to justify their over-analyzing of everything that their dates
do. Accept the fact that men simply don’t sit around chatting with their guy friends about how many days have passed since he last spoke to you and that everything doesn’t always have a
double meaning. Sometimes people really are busy. And if you haven’t pinned all of your dating and relationship hopes onto him (see #2 below,) you should be too.
2. Putting All of Your Eggs in One Basket
While dating can be unpleasant at times, too often, women will have one great date with a guy and then expect to jump immediately into a full-fledged relationship. In reality, it can take several
months to really get to know someone well enough to decide whether they would be a good partner, so don’t expect or try to create an insta-relationship during this beginning, evaluation
process. Until you get serious with someone (whatever that means to you,) it’s important to keep dating or, at the very least, to not stop looking.
3. Thinking That The Best Defense is a Good Offense
There’s an old adage that goes “if you look for problems, chances are you’ll find them.” In an effort to avoid rejection, many women seem to preemptively search for reasons
why a relationship won’t work. In order to avoid this, resist the urge to participate in any of the following self-sabotaging maneuvers:
Google-stalking him, looking at his cell phone, going through his email, reading his blog (unless he specifically invites you to), clicking through the profiles of his Facebook friends, rifling
through his wallet or drawers, or stopping by his house unannounced, claiming you were in the neighborhood.
Likewise, do not grill him on how he knows his female acquaintances or not so subtlety ask, “Did you get my message? You didn’t call me back last night” and then stare at him,
waiting for an explanation. If a man sees that you already suspect him of cheating or hiding something, it’s likely to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
4. Not Walking the Line Between Saying What You Mean and Creating Unnecessary Friction
Women are generally more intuitive than men when it comes to the subtleties of communication, so it’s essential to express your feelings clearly and not pretend to be okay if you’re
not.
However, dating someone doesn’t mean that you are allowed to use him as an emotional dumping ground and angrily relay everything that he (or others) did that day that pissed you off.
Be judicious about the things you share, even if you have been dating for a while. For example, if your dog dies, absolutely go ahead and tell him, but don’t spend the entire date recounting
all of the things you miss about the little guy. Save this confiding for your family and close friends. Because, at the end of the day, all men grow tired of drama queens and leave them eventually,
no matter how hot they are.
5. Acting Like a Stage-Five Clinger
Lastly, calling, texting, or emailing him constantly to ‘say hi’ are guaranteed ways to make a guy lose interest in you. Most men run away fast from women they perceive to be clingy. As
a general rule, try not to contact him more than once or twice a week unless you’re making plans or he specifically asked you to.
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