Learn how to make him commit: The Secret Lives of Men

Challenge No. 1:

A Peter Pan Man must realize that growing up is not synonymous with death or personal oblivion. This is easier said than done. A Peter Pan Man fears that he will lose himself if he takes one step too many in the direction of adulthood. There is always that fork in the road when approaching the Neverland barrier; having already come so far, should he go a little farther? The Peter Pan Man weighs the potential consequences of that next step and what it may cost him. This is where fear can consume him. He thinks if he goes one step too far, buys the minivan instead of the sports car, decides he really will dig in to his new job in earnest, or that he will throw away his little black book and commit to one person, it is a small distance to personal oblivion. He worries that a stranger will be looking back at him when he looks in the mirror.In those crucial moments, when he is standing on the edge and his next decision will either lead to a mature change for the better or else continue the cycle of fear and self-destruction, he may clearly see what truly frightens him. If you can take hold of his wings before he flies off, and ask him in your kindest “Wendy” voice what he is afraid of, he may look at you to see if you really want to know. He is sizing you up to see if you are sturdy enough to hear his deepest fears. You nod. He says, “I am afraid I will turn into [insert the name of the person he fears becoming].” No doubt there is a picture in his mind of a corrupted adult, someone who, by Peter Pan standards, has a joyless existence. You may hear the story of an overachieving father who worked himself into an early grave, or a mother who loved so deeply it broke her heart when her partner left. He may say he would rather die than be like them.Another question that may be worth asking the Peter Pan Man is, “What are you afraid of experiencing again?” Remember, some Peter Pan Men employ their flying technique to distance themselves from the overwhelming pain of the past. To stand still, firmly rooted, is to run the risk of feeling those things all over again. The Peter Pan Man approach is to keep stirring, never really settling into jobs or relationships; there is less of a chance of being hurt if you never really get too close to others or show your own vulnerability. In the movie Magnolia, Tom Cruise does a wonderful job of portraying one of these wounded Peter Pan Men. When his father abandoned the family at an early age, he was left as a young boy to tend to his dying mother. This, of course, is beyond what little boys are meant to do – it leaves a mark. It is too painful for him to experience those memories. His way of protecting himself against their painful recollection is to fly above them, in an angry, distant way. Some Peter Pan Men fly, not because they want to, but because they have to. To land is to come into contact with old hurts from the past.