Cancer awareness blogs

You don’t have to be strong all the time

By Jaime

July 16, 2010

I had the good fortune recently to “meet” via Facebook a newly diagnosed AYA with thyroid cancer, after a mutual friend posted a question about whether anyone knew anything about the cancer center she was going to. I had responded to the post, and the girl contacted me. I asked how she was doing, and she wrote back and ended her reply with “It’s okay, I’m being strong about it.” This is a 19 year old girl who has just been diagnosed with thyroid cancer and is facing surgery. Though I can relate to always wanting to put on a brave face, I told her that it’s okay not to be strong sometimes, especially in situations like these. I should add that “not being strong sometimes” does not equal “being weak”, whatever that is.

I can’t help but think that we as a society have created some of this — the always wanting to see cancer survivors as “living strong” or being optimistic. Jimmie Holland, the founder of the field of psycho-oncology and a psychiatrist at Memorial Sloan-Kettering calls this the “tyranny of positive thinking.” Yes, positive thinking is a healthy and beneficial tool, but so is staying true to your feelings and allowing yourself some “down” time if you feel that way.

We as a society always want to hear about someone “fighting back” and exhausting the options, rather than falling apart on our shoulder and admitting that they don’t know what to do and they’re not sure how far they’re willing to go, treatment-wise. It makes us more comfortable to see the “warrior” rather than the “wounded”. (And I really, REALLY hate battle metaphors with illness). It goes back to what I wrote about a few weeks ago, about self-care. Living with cancer, whether you are a patient, family member, partner or friend, is filled with ups and downs, and you shouldn’t have to put on a happy face all the time. As the Lance Armstrong Foundation manifesto states, you’re in the fight of your life…..and I would add, you don’t have to be strong all the time. You’re only human.

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