Learning through illness
By Sheryl
February 18, 2010
I know, I know. It used to make me crazy when people said things like this. I mean, who wants/needs to be ill in order to learn something? But I did learn a lot of things I might not otherwise have learned had I not have had my breast cancer experience.
The bad & the ugly
Granted, some of those things were things I’d rather have not had to learn. Like what shock felt like when I finally looked in the mirror and saw a missing breast. Or how that could matter so much to one person (me) but not as much to another (my husband). I learned how some people react (poorly) by uttering things that are absolutely insane when really a hug will suffice. I learned how uncomfortable it really was to go to an exercise class and sweat under my wig (ah, vanity, again!) and how I so envied people who were un-self-conscious. And there was the reminder, once a month after my chemo sessions, that it was possible for a person to vomit every 15 minutes for 24 hours straight (like clockwork) even though it was impossible that there was anything left in their stomach. It’s nice to be thin, but not when your precipitous drop in weight is not under your control.
The good
Then there were those lessons that were bad and good at the same time. There were days when all I wanted to do was cry and stay in bed, but I was reminded that my children were in the other room, waiting for me to get up, feed them, love them and play with them. In the beginning there was the reminder that cancer barged into my life like an unwanted intruder, but it turned into a pleasant reminder when the intruder left as soon as it taught me what I needed to know.
And then for every lousy lesson learned, there were those moments that were so rich and full of surprise, wonder and meaning. I began to realize that yes, illness teaches us; it’s capable of teaching us valuable, unforgettable things if we let it. It teaches us to survive in spite of ourselves; how we can ingest the life from our loved ones and make it a driving force in our quest to wish ourselves well and push ahead. Or how every day, no matter how hard it may seem, is another day that we are given the privilege of being alive on this precious earth. Illness also taught me that my true friends were the ones who admitted they didn’t know quite what to say but checked in with me or visited me anyway (even though it was so very hard). It taught me to look at the world through new lenses, to see with renewed clarity the absolute miracle of birth, a blooming flower, a rainstorm or even a tiny ant making its way, successfully, through the countless obstacles in its path.
Illness taught me that no one’s life is immune to sadness – from illness, death or divorce, or even the loss of a job.
When it comes down to it, we’re all in this together. Whether we’ve personally been impacted by cancer or not, we can find a way to relate to one another in this massive, disconnected world: We are all survivors – of something. And therein lies the greatest lesson.
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