Unquestionably, the day you look in the mirror and see a crop of wrinkles staring back at you can be devastating for your morale. Although those lines of time should signal a life of joyful moments and gained wisdom, women can’t help but see them as loss of value and beauty. Even though the Western culture propagates the drive for an eternally youthful appearance, changing the way you think about beauty will not only endow you with life-long confidence but also allow you to feel and look your age…and love it. Dr Vivian Diller and Dr Jill Muir-Sukenick, authors of Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change, offer the following 10 tips to change your thoughts on beauty.
The fountain of youth doesn’t exist
Despite the hundreds of anti-aging products (and the hundreds of dollars you’ve likely spent on them), there is no fountain of youth or magic solution to stop the effects of aging. Former models themselves, New York-based clinical psychologist Dr Diller and Dr Muir-Sukenick, a New York City psychotherapist, are acutely aware of how quickly a premium on physical beauty can fade with age. However, both experts worked hard and long to learn how to enjoy their changing appearances. In addition to writing Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change, both experts are consultants to the beauty industry and are raising awareness on beauty and aging issues in hopes of helping women everywhere stop devaluing themselves just because they are getting older. Dr Diller and Dr Muir-Sukenick offer these 10 tips every woman can put into practice today.
10 Tips to change your thoughts on beauty
1. Beauty is beyond physical
Beauty is not just a physical experience, but a psychological one as well. We all tend to think of beauty as a skin-deep issue, all about how we physically look. But research tells us that perception of what is deemed attractive and unattractive is much more complicated. Why do you think some beautiful women say, “I’ve never thought I was pretty”? Yes, even beauties like Uma Thurman and Michelle Pfeiffer have drawn attention to what they consider flaws. Similarly, there are women who may not be your typical image of beauty, yet when you ask them they say they are quite confident in their looks. Serena Williams never tries to cover up her unconventionally muscular physique: in fact, she flaunts it and somehow it makes her more appealing. What makes people feel attractive goes well beyond our physical self. It runs deep, much deeper than the eye can see.
2. Change your experience of age
Although we can’t stop the physical changes of aging, we can change our experience of aging. No one, not any doctor, dermatologist or surgeon can stop physical changes of aging. There may be ways to look better, take care of your skin and bodies that put things temporarily on hold, at least on the surface. We’re all for that! We’re also for ways we can experience — and even enjoy — our changing looks. If we take care of ourselves, it makes us feel better and we smile more. When we smile, we look more attractive. The sooner we go through an interior process, the better you will feel inside and out.
3. Your self-image is dynamic
While aging is inevitable and irreversible, self-image is not. Self-image can be fluid and timeless. Self-image is not an actual still picture of oneself. It is an internal experience, how we see ourselves from within, over time throughout our lives. It’s flexible and malleable. And if we understand that self image is changeable, then that is what we try to help women conquer. Not age itself. That’s a battle we can’t win.
4. Beauty is in the “I” of the beholder.
If we become our own internal “eye,” we can take control over how we see ourselves, rather than give it over to other people to determine if we’re attractive or not. Our six steps serve to change the internal lens through which we see, not only ourselves, but others as well. The result? Women will be less self critical and less critical of each other.
5. Chronological age does not have to define you
You can define yourself at your chronological age. A particular age has little to do with how old you feel. You can define how you want to be at 40, at 50 and onward. We also don’t have to let magazine images define what is beautiful. Some women in their 20’s feel old. Some women in their 60’s feel young. It’s up to you to define the age you feel.
6. Your outward beauty is not your identity
Put your beauty in your identity, not your identity in your beauty. Your identity is made up of many aspects of yourself. How you look is just one of them. As you get older, more aspects of yourself can make up your identity; for example, your experiences in life, your accomplishments and your relationships. If you hold onto youthful beauty as a narrow definition of yourself, you’re especially unlikely to enjoy your looks as you age. You leave out so many other ways to feel good about yourself.
7. Go beyond your mirror image
Take an honest look at who you are, not what you look like. Mirrors tell only a little of what we really look like. Gaze again and go beyond, past your reflection and see who you are as a person. Think of what you see as only the image of yourself, that informs the world of your physical self. But who you are is more than what they see.
8. Rob beauty of its power over you
Take back that power and you will feel more beautiful. Our culture has given beauty power over women. We are told who and what is beautiful. We know that youth is beautiful. Most people see babies as beautiful. But grandmothers can be beautiful as well. Some of the most beautiful women in the world are those who smile, engage and appear happy at any age. If you take back the power of what makes you feel attractive, you will become more attractive to yourself and others.
9. Don’t fear your age
Become less afraid of aging and you will look more beautiful. When you see a face that is scared, you would hardly call it beautiful. There is nothing pretty about fear. Women need to accept that aging happens and that becoming more courageous about all aspects of our lives will enhance them . . . and all women.
10. Balance the importance of beauty and enjoy your age
Beauty matters to all women, but to those who age beautifully, it matters neither too much nor too little. We all know that a core aspect of our identities is our appearance. No doubt our looks matter. But women who allow beauty to matter, but keep it in balance with all other aspects of their lives, can enjoy their looks at any age.
The beauty Bottom line
Dealing with your looks as they inevitably change is a psychological process as well as a physical challenge. Master how you think about beauty and the physical changes will come with much more joy. When it comes to your face, your body and your aging process, be smart, be thoughtful and you’ll inherently and naturally be more beautiful.
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