Dating would be far simpler if, during a date, the skies opened, a bolt of lightning struck the ground, and a caring, authoritative voice said, “HE’S THE ONE!” Instead, we analyze every sentence, nuance and gesture until we bore our friends to death with the back-and-forth rhetoric. The fact remains that you must consider a few factors when deciding whether he’s The One — or not.
Common ground
If he’s The One, you have to have more in common with him than your shared love of Guinness. If you don’t have a ton in common with the potential father of your children, though, don’t freak out: Having two or three things you like to do together is important, but don’t be threatened by those other likes and dislikes you don’t share.
For example, maybe you both like photography, water skiing and hanging out in book stores. Don’t worry about the fact that he’d rather have a piece of duct tape slowly ripped from his forearm than go shoe shopping. Don’t beat yourself up because hanging out with him and his friends for Monday Night Football makes you feel like you’re on the set of a Seth Rogen movie. Common ground can be about much more than shared interests. Even if you’re doing different things, a similar view of the world, sense of humor and perspective can accentuate the things you enjoy doing together and make up for those you don’t.
Communication
If men and women could master the art of communication, the divorce rate would plummet. Communication issues run much deeper than the difference between genders. While certain communication traits are consistent in men and women, individuals communicate differently. Our experiences shape how we verbalize or don’t verbalize thoughts, so communication style becomes like a finger print.
If you feel your guy gets you at least half the time, he could be The One. Just as important is your ability to understand his words. The good news here is that, if you have a strong start with someone in the communication department, it will only improve over time.
Ask yourself, when you say something positive, is it well received? Is it reciprocated, either verbally or non-verbally? If you have a beef, do you feel safe saying so? Conflict resolution is arguably the most important form of communication between men and women.
A final note about communication, if you think he might be The One because you can talk until the wee hours, ask yourself if you are talking to him rather than with him (and vice-versa). One-sided communication fizzles out over time.
Sense of humor
Stuff will go down that you have to be able to laugh at, or you’ll end up on anti-depressants. If he’s a teaser, does he make fun of himself at least as much as he makes fun of you? There’s a big difference between laughing with someone and laughing at them.
Even if you were born without a funny bone, do you both at least find the same things humorous? Do you quote the same lines from movies? Do you both find the same sitcoms entertaining? Relating to one another in the humor department is a fundamental consideration in your decision.
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