If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, SheKnows may receive an affiliate commission.
If you’re here, clicking this NSFW shopping article in the year of our lord 2024 — chances are you’re trying to get in touch with your inner kinkster and find the best kinky sex toys to help you mix things up in the bedroom. First of all: Welcome! You’re in good company — all sorts of surveysover the last few years have shown that people are more and more interested in having a spice-y, kinky time in bed. The 2021 “summer of love survey” by the Kinsey Institute and sex toy retailer Lovehoney found that a full 73 percent of the respondents said they shifted into a kinkier mindset. Whether you’re looking for kinky sex toys for couples or just some toys to spice up your solo play, you’re clearly not alone — and you’ve come to the right place.
The realm of “kink” can include so, so much; it’s a large umbrella of various so-called “non-conventional” sexual behaviors that would take a while to break down here. But more often than not, when used in conversation, it’s often referring to BDSM (aka bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism) and various more specific fetishes. The only limits, when it comes to human sexual activity between enthusiastically consenting adults, is one’s imagination, TBH.
That said, if you’re looking to inch your way into a wilder (or simply more interesting) sex life, we’re here to help you and recommend some fun sexy stuff to play with. Kinky sex toys for men, kinky sex toys for women, kinky sex toys for everyone — we’ve got ’em all. But first, you’ll want to do your research and figure what kind of kink you’re actually into.
This ranges from checking out some erotic materials (think porn and audio or written erotica) to determine what gets you going, reading up on some of the basics of consent, kinky safety philosophies (RACK, SSC and the 4Cs are good starting points) and reading all the smart words written by folks in the community to get a feel for what kind of sex you want to be having and how to do it safely. Along the way, you also will want to learn about things like safe words and what kind of aftercare you’ll need.
If you have an existing partner or partners, you’ll want to have this conversation with them and do some of this sexy homework together. This can be such a special chance to grow and explore together, particularly if one of you or both of you are a bit new to the game. If you’re looking for partners who will want to play a certain way, I highly recommend joining online communities in your area (you can find some of these locally via FetLife for example) and going to some non-sexual events (munches) and eventually play parties to meet IRL people with play experience in chill environments.
Being a beginner in kinky spaces is a special time but also a vulnerable one. Power exchanges can be as emotionally intense as they are physically and it takes a lot of communication, discussion and negotiation to do it well and to keep everyone happy and safe. So having a baseline knowledge of what you want, don’t want (ex: never say you have no limits and if someone claims they have no limits, run) is a really important step in making sure that your encounters stay on the exciting and fun side and that you can advocate for your own pleasure. Trust your gut and know that it isn’t uncommon to like something more in sexy theory than in practice and that you can revoke your consent or put an end to any activity you want at any time (regardless of the role you are playing in a sexual encounter or scene).
Okay, I am done being a sexual health lifeguard (for now) and am about to recommend you some simple and helpful toys and tools for budding kinksters looking to build out their personal collections. This is far from an exhaustive list and your mileage will vary depending on your specific interests, tastes, comfort levels and those of your partner(s), but we’ll try to cover a range of common activities that will, if nothing else, get you thinking hard and long about the things you want out of your own sex life.
A version of this story was published April 2022.
A Blindfold
Before you bust out cuffs, rope, or anything that might actually cross the threshold into freaky, it’s good to remember the basics — and that your most powerful sex organ (your brain) doesn’t need much to enjoy a bit of power-play. The easiest possible first step into kink is to have one partner wear a blindfold. It’s surrendering one of our more powerful senses (sight) and heightening the others, leaving tons of opportunity to explore and tease. Plus, it’s very easy to remove if you’re not feeling it or need/want to stop.
Maybe play around and take turns giving up your eye-sight for a bit and see what feelings come up — do you really like certain sensations? Are you drawn to certain kinds of dirty talk? Are you more confident trying something new without having someone staring up at you? All of these are normal feelings and you can incorporate them into the ways you like to play.
Flexible Handcuffs
The first and most gentle of the restraint sets featured on this list are these flexible, stretchy handcuffs. A few brands have their own version, but I like Lovehoney’s Quickie Cuffs (pictured) or Unbound’s Cuffies for their sleek style and comfortable looks.
And, no, these aren’t the kind of restraints that actually keep you or your partner from going anywhere. They are stretchy and loose enough that you can pull yourself free in seconds. But that’s the point.
Particularly for beginners, before you get into the realm of more intense bondage, it’s more important to see if it’s actually a feeling you like without necessarily being in that super vulnerable spot. Truth is, restraint-play is more about the idea of giving power over to your partner — so trying that on for size in a very low-risk way (that won’t be leaving red marks behind or require you being cut out of if you need an instant out) is a pretty solid way to start.
Versatile Vibes
I recommend a lot of sex toys around these parts (it’s sort of my thing) and it’s hard to really determine which of the many, many on the market is the right fit for you and your lifestyle. But I’ve found that a wand vibrator is an excellent beginner’s choice for numerous reasons, but most of all because it’s fairly fool-proof and versatile. You can easily stimulate many parts and all kinds of equipment with a good wand — and there’s typically a solid mix of intensity and various attachments available so it won’t get boring too fast.
While we’ll recommend some more specific kinky uses for some other toys on this list, a wand like the cult-favorite Magic Wand is something you can use to tease and deeply satisfy without much experience. Plus, it’s super easy to turn off or remove at a second’s notice if you need to pause or stop play.
Remote-Controlled Vibes
One way to hand over or take control is to use a literal remote control. Lots of toys offer a remote-controlled experience, from the wired and wireless ones like this simple little bullet vibe from Lovehoney (pictured) or some more high-tech options that link up with your phone like Lovense’s Lush vibe or Satisfyer’s Connect line.
A Good Penis Ring
If you or your partner has a penis, a penis ring (vibrating or not) can be an excellent cool for intensifying or pro-longing arousal. LELO Tor is a beloved one for a reason but you can also find more lower cost options pretty much everywhere.
Score Some Sturdier Cuffs
Moving along in the restraint category, a set of cuffs that are a bit more sturdy but are still simple to remove and control how tight they are (circulation is important to consider when restraining limbs, y’all!) would be the next natural step in the evolution.
I’d recommend a simple padded pair that could work for wrists and ankles, as they are typically able to give the level of control/restraint that most people are looking for — but are still extremely comfortable and easy to remove.
I always encourage a pair of cuffs that are velcro or body-safe leather over ones that are metal (police-style) or fuzzy (which are often just the metal ones in drag) because if you want to move or shift or struggle those ones are more likely to leave marks or dig into the skin.
Just remember, if someone is trusting you enough to let you cuff ’em, don’t leave them alone ever and keep communication on everyone’s comfort open as you play.
Feather Tickler
While there are some more intense tools to include in kinky play (we’ll get to some of those later), sometimes a soft touch is all you need.
Feather teasers pair super well with blindfolds and beginner restraints and the light sensation can make your whole body all the more attentive to what’s going on.
If that sounds too ticklish for you, I totally get it. (But surprise, surprise that’s a turn-on for some folks anyway!)
Vibrating Tickler
If you discover you really love that teasing, tickling sensation (we get it), why not up the intensity? This vibrating feather tickler from PlusOne gives plenty of options to tantalize and entice, from sliding it across your nipples and vulva to pressing it against your clitoris for some intense pleasure. Trade off trying it on your partner and explore the five different vibration settings for some low-stakes (but high-satisfaction) power play.
Bondage Tape
Another level up in the restraint category would be bondage tape! A body-safe alternative to duct tape (not the vibe for circulation!), a good bondage tape is designed to stick to itself and not your skin or hair. Tether, Unbound’s bondage tape, is a PVC material that is super easy to use (and re-use) and can serve as restraints, blindfold, or a gag.
Pro-tip: Keep safety scissors on hand when you play with tape or rope and, again, never leave someone alone while playing with restraints.
Safety Shears
I wasn’t kidding! Have a pair of these bad boys handy if you’re going to play with rope or tape or anything that you might need to snip your partner out of quickly in case of an emergency or an abrupt end to play.
(And, go off, you can also cut off your partner’s clothes if you’re into that. Versatility, baby!)
A Gag
Giving up your words in a scene/during play is another way to indulge in the power exchange of it all. Gags are particularly fun for people with oral fixations (IYKYK) and something simple like this smaller ball gag or Unbound’s Bit are again easy enough to work with that there’s little risk of a safeword going misunderstood or any breathing being obstructed.
Again, don’t leave someone alone while restrained and make sure that you and your partner(s) understand your safe word or non-verbal signals when you introduce something that obstructs speech.
Impact Toys
So, obviously, nature gave us built-in impact toys with our hands — but I cannot recommend you buy a set of hands for ethical and hygienic reasons, so I’m using a paddle to intro you to the wonderful world of impact toys and impact play.
Like all things, you’ll want to have a good talk with your partner before you engage in consensual spanking or hitting of any type and with any kind of tools and be sure to know which areas are safe to spank and which aren’t before you start (pro-tip: fatty areas like butt are generally a yes, fragile areas that protect vital organs are a nope). It’s dangerous to try this stuff or let someone else try it on you without doing your research, so move forward with safety in mind and multiple check-ins when you first try it out.
There are a few different impact tools available, ranging from paddles (like the one pictured), floggers, canes and whips. The latter may be more your speed once you’ve gotten a better grip on what you and your partner like, but for beginners stick with your hands and then move on to a hairbrush or something like a paddle as you get more experience. Be conscious of the best practices for caring for a sore booty and make sure you and your partner are on the same page about how intense each spank should be.
Out-of-the-Box Sensual Options
Pulling back to things that might change up what you think of as a “sex toy,” I love to recommend an arousal gel for people looking for more intense sensations in a really simple way. Doc Johnson’s Buzz Liquid Vibrator is one of my personal favorites that can make clitoral stimulation all the more intense.
Particularly if you or your partner are looking to play with edging or orgasm control, this can be a great tool in your arsenal.
Fun & Games
One way of deescalating how high-pressure, awkward and intimidating trying something new in bed is by making it a bit more playful. Incorporating games, like this positions card game, sex tarot cards or sex dice can be a fun way to shake things up and make the objective of the night —trying something new, having some pleasure-filled fun — feel easier to obtain.
I love these kind of games as an ice-breaker and conversation starter, if nothing else. It’s a great way to get topics, positions and ideas that might interest you on your radar in a controlled, thoughtful way.
Nipple Toys
Our bodies are full of cool erogenous areas — including our nipples. And they deserve toys too!
There are all sorts of nipple stimulation toys out there — from clamps (and clamps that vibrate, at that) to the more tame nipple suckers (pictured here). I do like these ones from Lovehoney for beginners who aren’t sure exactly how much bite they want with their nipple play.
And, pro-tip, if you remove them after a few minutes, they can make stimulation all the more intense.
Bondage Rope
OK, if I’m being honest, rope is something I’d recommend more for the more intermediate beginners out there, as there can be risks of playing with it without a thorough foundation. So I am not endorsing ordering some rope and just winging it, ever. It won’t be fun or sexy for you or your partner and could end up with someone getting hurt.
But getting some high-quality bondage rope can absolutely be an exciting addition to your collection when the time feels right, beause it’s softer, stronger and it’s meant for this use.
Making this purchase and then learning from professionals can be such a fun and intimate experience for you and a partner to share or for you to explore solo. There are some great experts who run virtual and IRL rope classes for all experience levels who can help you explore safely and gain confidence. (I love the work of educators like @the.rope.doula and spaces like Wicked Grounds for the work they do in kink education, FYI.) There’s also tons of helpful books out there for getting your feet wet.
And I know I said this already but if you’re going to play with rope you should always be prepared to cut it/easily get a partner out of it, so have don’t skimp on those safety shears.
Further Reading
I’d be remiss if I didn’t bring us back to the importance of education as you explore more intense sexual play. It’s not just important and essential for safety but it’s also a deeply fun and fascinating part of the process of figuring out who you are sexually. There’s tons of great reading materials out there for free online and some amazing sex educators to follow, but getting a few beginners’ books on the subjects that’ll interest you is also a good launchpad to living all your kinky fantasies.
I also love this interactive 365 Days of Kink journal for documenting and exploring your desires in a guided way, if that’s your thing.
Leave a Comment