In adult relationships, supporting your partner’s passions is the right thing to do. You don’t have to join them in their hobbies or even “get” why they enjoy doing something. Simply put, if you love them and care about their personal fulfillment, then you should respect their autonomy to do what brings them joy.
Unfortunately, one Redditor appears to have learned this lesson the hard way. Writing in the infamous /AmITheAsshole Subreddit, user @FitAngle6943 asked for some unbiased insight into a fight with his girlfriend. It all started because he openly demeaned her for writing fanfiction — in front of his family, no less.
AITA for making fun of my girlfriend for writing Fanfiction and claiming it’s actual writing?
byu/FitAngle6943 inAmItheAsshole
The Original Poster gave this for context: He (33M) has been dating his girlfriend, Abby (31F), for a few months. During Easter weekend, he invited her over to meet his family for the first time.
“Abby is quite smart. She has a PhD and works in her field,” he wrote. “I only have a BA, so you can imagine my surprise when hot and smart woman wanted to date me. Anyway, I digress, Abby’s passion is writing, although she’s never allowed me to read anything she wrote. She dreams of writing a book and says she’s practicing and trying to draft things.”
One day, OP was sleeping over Abby’s house, and he noticed his GF get up and go into her office to write. When he stirred, came into her office, and looked over her shoulder, he realized she was writing fanfiction, or works of self-published fiction using another author’s characters and world-building.
It’s an incredibly popular medium for writers, but OP wasn’t on board — and had some very rude things to say.
This man mocked his GF upon finding out that she writes fanfiction.
“Apparently, she already wrote a 100k fanfiction and is working on her third one,” he recalled. “She says it’s writing practice, and she loves it. I told her it’s cringy, and if she was serious about her book, she’d write it by now because she’s pretty much already wrote two books if only they weren’t fanfiction.” Yikes. Judgmental much?
Abby “got silent” and told OP to leave her alone — which, understandable, if you ask.
Unfortunately, the topic came up again at Easter dinner, and OP was even more cruel with his words.
You won’t believe what he said to his family — in front of his GF’s face!
Upon introducing Abby to his family, OP mentioned that she has a PhD. His brother and sister were impressed and asked her to tell them about her studies. But when she began to explain, he interjected: “I told them to not be so impressed because she wastes her time writing silly fanfiction, so I don’t know how she even got her doctorate.”
Wow.
OP tried to write it off as a joke, but naturally, Abby “got angry.” And can you blame her? What an unkind, demeaning thing to say about your partner!
“She called me an asshole,” he continued. “She wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the day and asked me to drive her home. I tried to come in, but she told me she wanted to be alone and write her fanfiction. I told her she was childish but left anyway.”
AITA Redditors were quick to call out the AH here. Spoiler alert, it isn’t Abby.
“My sister thinks I owe Abby an apology, but I don’t think I did anything wrong and yet Abby is annoyed,” OP wrote. “Was I really the asshole here?”
Spoiler alert: According to virtually every single AITA Redditor in the comments, yes, he is.
“What a disgusting thing to say. You are a giant AH,” one commenter opined. “Fanfiction is extremely popular and millions of people read and write it, and enjoy it. … Besides all of that, she’s doing it because it makes her happy and she’s able to practice writing in this [manner]. You are just jealous she’s creative and has a PhD.”
Others also honed in on his blatant insecurity regarding his GF’s level of education.
“This post reeks of jealousy,” someone wrote. “[You’re trying] to dismiss the work she put in to earn her PhD because you don’t like what she writes? Who made you the writing police?”
“If she’s writing, it’s writing. Doesn’t matter if you approve of the subject matter or not,” another Redditor opined. “Being a gatekeeper and judging your girlfriend’s hobby so contemptuously makes you the asshole, every time.”
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