College is hard. Not only do you have to drag yourself out of bed after what seems like (and might actually be) mere minutes of sleep, but you are also expected to be ready to process information. Don’t tax your brain any more than you have to… just follow our handy guide for getting to class.
1. Wake to alarm. Hit, kick or otherwise incapacitate said alarm. Repeat.
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First things first: You’re not at home anymore. Your mama isn’t going to gently nudge you awake and beckon you into the kitchen for a buttery stack of homemade pancakes. This is the real world, compadre. You’re responsible for dragging your own sleep-deprived booty out of bed every morning. Your morning ritual probably involves groggily waking to the sound of the alarm, fumbling to find and shut it up and repeating that process about 47 times before actually sitting up and attempting something resembling coherent speech. Our suggestion? Download the “I Can’t Wake Up Alarm Clock” app — it’ll make you complete a task like scanning a barcode or solving a math problem before you can silence it.
2. Slide on your shower shoes and stumble to the community shower
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You’re awake… sort of. That’s progress. Now foggily make your way down the hall, making sure not to inadvertently stumble into anyone. Stop along the way to scribble quasi-obscene and completely immature (a.k.a. hilarious) messages on your the cute little dry erase boards hanging on your hallmates’ doors. Turn on the shower, wait for it to get hot enough to peel the paint off the circa 1970s tile and hop in. Close your eyes and pretend you are not wearing flip-flops to protect your feet from fungus.
3. Pore over every item in your teeny-tiny built-in closet…
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… only to decide you’d rather just wear something comfy and break out your favorite cozy pants. So you’ve worn them a few times this week already. No bigs. College before 1 p.m. is a no-judgement zone — people are too tired to care. Students have been known to roll out of bed and head straight to their first seminar still wearing the same Hello Kitty PJs they passed out in. As long as you’re actually clothed (no Will Ferrell-style streaking through the quad allowed), no one cares.
4. Coffee
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You cannot possibly be expected to make it to or through any morning class without the assistance of caffeine. If you go to college in a big city, you’ve likely got a Starbucks on every block to choose from. If not, Mr. Coffee is probably your college BFF4L. If you happen to run into the classic college caffeine conundrum of not being able to find a filter, you have two choices: You can DIY one out of TP, or just chug straight from the pot like any other self-respecting undergrad.
5. Don’t skip the most important meal of the day
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You know what your mom always told you growing up: “You should eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper.” One thing’s for sure — if you’re going to sit through an hour and a half lecture on the subject of political science, you’re going to need some brain food to keep your eyes from glazing over. You might actually have your life together enough to wake up in time to get to the cafeteria and partake of the omelet bar… but let’s be real. Scarfing down last night’s leftover pizza is a very real possibility. And you’re OK with that.
6. Bribe yourself
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Who doesn’t need some incentive to get out of bed, right? How else do explain that age-old adage, “The early bird gets the worm”? Give yourself a reason to go to class (sorry Mom and Dad, the sheer joy of learning just ain’t cutting it) — like, you know, that total hottie that sits beside you in lab. Or if you’re so not interested in flirting while sporting your favorite sweatpants, trick yourself into being excited for class by promising yourself something indulgent afterward. Post-professor mani/pedi anyone?
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