The home of a neat freak may look pristine, but these thoughts prove that their inner worlds are sheer chaos. Sheer, tidy chaos.
1. Persuading loved ones that cleaningis quality time
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“Turn on a little music, dance with me and a mop. This is what Saturday mornings are for, people.”
2. Crying over spilled milk
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“My 3-year-old is a slob. The milk is going in time-out, permanently.”
3. Drooling over a chore chart
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“The columns, the stickers and the thrilling camaraderie of dusting in family unity. The kids are going to love this!”
4. Stockpiling the supplies
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“I’ve got bathroom bleach, kitchen bleach, laundry bleach and floor bleach. But I think I might really need this microwave bleach, too. Yes, definitely.”
5. Contemplating divorce over a minor infraction
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“I swear on the grave of my childhood hamster, if he leaves his jeans on the bathroom floor one more time, I’m bailing on this whole charade.”
6. Looking forward to laundry day
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“I wonder if I’ll get to use my new detergent?”
7. Agonizing over table crumbs
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“I see it. I see it, but it’s not polite to reach across the table to pick it up. Oh my God, she just swept it onto the floor!“
8. Taking toilet paper very seriously
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“For the last time, the paper goes over the roll. Doesn’t anyone know how dirty the wall is?”
9. Curating a Pinterest “cleaning” board
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“This is totally as fun as other hobbies, like surfing or yoga. Totally.”
10. Trying to play it cool
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“Play it cool. This is a dinner party. This is fun, play it cool. But holy crap, how do these pigs not see the mess they’re making?”
11. Compromising is not an option
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“No, I will not chill out. Just hand me the broom — it’s easier than trying to reason with all of you Neanderthals.”
This post was brought to you by Green Works.
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