Want to know what guys really want for Valentine’s Day? Be careful what you ask for, because the truth ain’t pretty.
According to a brutally honest — and sadly predictable — thread on Reddit, most guys seem to want a time machine to beam themselves back to 1954, when it was socially acceptable for men to make demands for sexual favors, food, and female subservience. Granted, the survey proves there are still some good guys out there who only want some quality time with their partner.
More: Yes, Valentine’s Day Is Commercialized — But It’s Still Important
Buckle up, here is what guys want for Valentine’s Day, as reported by the gentlemen of Reddit.
1. Matching undergarments
“Make sure your undergarments match. We men have spent our lives looking at underwear models and we don’t expect you to match their body image at all, but it’s hard to kid ourselves when you uncloak a Walmart bra and some granny drawers. Just saying.”
2. Drink service
“Home-cooked meal and drink service all night. Keep ’em coming!”
3. Time together
“Experiences make the best gifts. I still remember every detail about my birthday dinner that my girlfriend took me to nearly three months ago. That night will probably stick with me forever. Physical gifts are nice, of course, but just getting dressed up and making the most of the evening is more than satisfactory.”
4. No distractions
“Your full undivided attention and company.”
5. Lingerie
“I honestly don’t want anything but my girl buying some nice lingerie and putting it on at the end of the night before sexy time.”
6. Nothing
“Nothing. It’s another day to celebrate blatant consumer rip-offs. Neither of us give a shit about it.”
7. Just food
“Home-cooked meal. But as she can’t even boil water without practically burning the entire street down, I’d settle for a takeaway.”
8. To share their hobbies
“A chick to smoke with, then lots of sexy stuff.”
More: What to Write in a Valentine’s Day Card Based on Relationship Stage
9. Attitude adjustments
“Just don’t be a total bitch to me all day cause you’ve decided to not be satisfied with anything I do.”
10. And then there’s this…
Is all this romance making you well up inside? Hold that thought, because the number one Valentine’s Day gift men want (according to a select few random dudes who post on Reddit) was so popular, it deserved to be an a category all by itself.
Drum roll, please …
“Blowjob.”
“Blowjob and steak.”
“I want a blow job with a finish, for the love a Christmas finish the job and swallow.”
“Cinnamon hearts and blowjobs.”
“A blowjob accompanied with steak dinner.”
More: 8 Gender-neutral Gift Ideas
Happy Valentine’s Day, ladies!
Before you go, check out our slideshow below.
Originally published February 2015. Updated January 2017.
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