The secret to enjoying him ‘down there’ is really pretty simple

While we’d like to blame it all on our partner’s technique, mastering the big O from oral sex is less about our partner’s efforts and more about figuring out what it is that makes us tick. It may take the cake for most intimate foreplay activity, but because a woman’s G-spot can be difficult to find, it’s also the most difficult to master.

There are plenty of reasons why oral sex isn’t necessarily a woman’s favorite form of foreplay, but according to Sarah Hepola of MarieClaire.com, it wasn’t so much the physical aspect of oral that was turning her off, but its mental instability.

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“I am often stuck in my own head. Instead of being lost in ecstasy, when a guy goes down on me, I’m worrying about loose hairs, whether or not his jaw is getting exhausted, and how I look down there. Or my mind wanders to things that have absolutely nothing to do with sex: I fret that I’m late with the cable bill or that I left the iron on. I worry that I will never reach orgasm, which usually ensures that I won’t, because nothing detracts from erotic abandon like performance anxiety.”

I experienced the cringe-worthy growing up program pamphlets and videos in middle school. I took a sexual education course during my senior year of high school. I was taught all about the birds and the bees from my mother in the middle of our favorite breakfast diner. When we are taught about sex, it sounds so basic. Convenient how no one tells you that, really, there is nothing simplistic about sex. You need to be well informed, and not just about the general human anatomy, but in how you as an individual get turned on and turn your wandering thoughts off.

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“In the end, the real trick to enjoying any sexual act is to know what you want and how to ask for it.,” Hepola writes in her article “Why I Don’t Want Guys To Go Down On Me.” “So here is what I need: a dark room. Occasional giggles. Occasional quiet. A finger in the right spot helps. A vibrator can be fun. I’ve found that oral sex is not casual for me, which means that—I’m sorry, sailor—you can’t show up at midnight, jump under the sheets, and expect to blow my mind.”

Every sexual experience is determined by the individual’s preference, and no two sexual experiences are alike. It is important for women to learn the ins and outs of their bodies, what they like and dislike, and to be able to articulate their sexual desires to their partner.

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Like any sexual activity, practice makes perfect. There is a lot of trial and error when it comes to oral sex. It can be intimidating, but by keeping communication flowing with your partner, there is plenty of wiggle room to figure out what turns you on. I’ve asked a few gal pals what tricks they find improve oral sex for themselves. Check out their 7 tips below and take your oral sex to the next level.

1. Keep It Clean

“For all parties involved, I prefer to be clean. I don’t necessarily mean fresh out the shower (but I prefer that), but if I feel sweaty or he’s sweaty from work or something I kinda feel gross and not as ready to be all exposed.”

2. Hot and Heavy

“I like being really turned on before oral begins. So I like a lot of kissing on my hips, lower stomach and lower pelvis before it all gets going.”

3. Take the Reins

“I like when he takes control and does it without me hinting or asking.”

4. Slow and Steady

“I know that in porn it looks like it’s super sexy for men to get really, really aggressive and rigorous about oral sex, but I think slow and steady wins the race. A lot of slow tongue action – especially on the clitoris – feels way better than aggressive tongue thrusting.”

5. Stimulate the Senses

“I like when he uses his fingers and his tongue. If there is tongue action on the clit, it makes it a lot better for me.”

6. Hit the Spot

“Once she does anything to signal things are going good, don’t switch it up too much. You may lose the rhythm or area she was liking.”

7. Stop While Ahead

“I’m not crazy about oral sex, so it’s really important for a guy to know when to stop.”