No time to waste
While she waited over the Thanksgiving break to receive the results, Simonsen embraced and then tackled her potential future. “I went home and started Googling Down syndrome and heart defects, and overanalyzing all of the ultrasound pictures I had received over the past 20 weeks.”
Simonsen had undergone in vitro fertilization as a single woman of “advanced maternal age.” She was not about to wait for someone to explain Down syndrome to her.
The road to pregnancy
Simonsen had decided to try IVF with the support of family and friends. “I always knew I wanted to be a mom,” she says. “I love kids and babysat since I was 12. I have nine amazing nieces and nephews.”
While being a mother was her dream, being a single mother really wasn’t the original plan. “Like most women, I hoped I would do things in the ‘normal’ order,” she shares. “Meet someone, fall in love, get married and have kids.
“But, since I had not yet met Mr. Right, I knew that I was getting older and that my Mr. Right could come later, and hopefully he would love me as much as my child,” Simonsen says. “Otherwise I would be fine on my own with my support of family and friends.”
“I know my… having a child as a single parent raised concerns for them,” she admits. “But knowing me, they knew that once my mind was made up, I was going to move forward and that I would be a great mom.”
What to expect from the 20-week ultrasound >>
Getting the diagnosis at 20 weeks
Moments before walking into a doctor’s appointment the week after Thanksgiving, Simonsen answered a phone call from her genetic counselor. The results were in: Carter had Down syndrome.
“I was a complete wreck at the appointment,” she remembers. “I could barely speak.”
At that appointment, her physician discovered Carter had two heart defects: an AVSD and Tetralogy of Fallot. Both were fixable and would require surgery at about 6 months.
“It was a lot to process in one day,” she shares. “My vision of my son’s life and of my life as a single mom was completely unknown and scary. I knew I would need help, as my family lives in California. I have amazing friends in Charlotte but knew I could not fully rely on them as they had their own lives, too.”
Always the picture of proactivity, Simonsen reached out to the Down Syndrome Association of Greater Charlotte, North Carolina, that day.
“I knew I would need to lean on other moms and families who also had children with Down syndrome. I joined groups on Babycenter.com for Down syndrome and the two specific heart defects. I wanted to be educated and know what to expect.”
An everlasting friendship
Simonsen’s leap into action doesn’t shock Lisa Crowley, who met her in third grade.
“We have been friends through Snoopy obsessions, braces, bottle-thick glasses, first bras and doomed teenage romances,” Crowley explains. “She may know me in a way that even my husband doesn’t because she’s been my friend since I was 7 years old.”
While the two attended colleges in different states, they visited one another and talked often. When Crowley married in Maine, Simonsen was there as a bridesmaid. When Crowley had her first child, Simonsen was there for moral support. As their adult lives continued in different directions, the visits became fewer and further apart.
Then Simonsen went into labor at only 23 weeks.
“I caught the very first flight I could,” Crowley says. “My son was born at 30 weeks, so I knew that at 23 weeks, Carter’s life was fragile, and she was facing the most emotional experience of her life.”
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