Meeting Carter
On December 20, 2013, Simonsen began bleeding. She immediately called the nurse and drove to the hospital.
“I was monitored overnight and was having contractions, twice every 30 minutes. The high-risk doctor arrived in the morning and was going to see if I could have a cerclage procedure done to slow things down. Unfortunately, Carter couldn’t wait!”
Simonsen says the NICU team had barely finished setting up in the room when her water broke and Carter arrived. “I didn’t even have to push. He didn’t cry. He was 1 lb 1 oz, I later found out.”
Doctors ventilated Carter, and Simonsen was able to see him “for about 10 seconds before they took him to the NICU.”
Three hours later, Simonsen was allowed to go to the NICU and be with Carter. There, she met Mary. “Mary was Carter’s nurse on all of his life milestone days: his birthday, the day he was baptized and the day he died.”
Simonsen says she was in shock that Carter had arrived. “He was so small but so perfect. He had fingernails, toenails and hair. He had my big feet!” And just like in utero, “he was very fidgety!”
Execution mode first, then emotions
Simonsen is a visibly strong person. When she talks about Carter, her voice stays steady even when her eyes deceive her, watering and occasionally letting a tear escape.
“I was never angry about Carter having Down syndrome or the heart defects, as I was reading some parents say on BabyCenter,” she says. “I was sad at first, which now I feel guilty about. How could I be sad about having a beautiful little boy?”
Over the 10 days after Carter’s birth, mother and son learned a little more about each other. “He had a personality, which I guess I didn’t really expect with him being so little!” she says. “He was strong. The first time I was able to take his temperature under his arm, he fought me when I tried to place his arm down.”
“I always told him that he was doing a ‘good job’ and that I was so proud of everything he was doing to stay with me and get bigger,” she remembers.
On Christmas day, while the nurse changed Carter’s bedding, Simonsen was allowed to hold him for the first time. “Holding him in my hands was the best Christmas present I will ever have.”
Carter passed away on New Year’s Eve, with his mother by his side.
Memories of Carter
Carter’s short life managed to change the lives of so many others.
“What I remember most is how immediate love is,” shares Simonsen’s friend, Lisa Crowley. “You can meet a beautiful baby who weighs less than a grapefruit and immediately be in love and affected deeply.
“Carter’s life was just 10 days, but meaningful. He brought many people together and likely changed the trajectory of Lisa’s life.”
Staying positive
For Simonsen, old and new friendships bolstered her strength in the weeks and months before and after Carter’s passing.
“I was moved by how Lisa’s friends were so supportive,” Crowley says. “The experience was also a great reminder how friends can be your family.”
Somehow, Simonsen stays positive through it all. “My life has been a series of ups and downs, especially over the last 7 years,” she says. “I believe the cliché that everything happens for a reason, and I try to learn from those experiences. I know that I am strong enough and have great support so I will never be in a position where I cannot recover.”
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