The first year of new parenthood is always the hardest, they say. Just take comfort in the fact that there are dozens of ways you are going to potentially ruin your child before her first birthday.
OK, hard is actually an understatement. Any parent who has made it through the first 12 months can attest to the fact that the first year is brutal. This is precisely why most parents have outrageously lavish first birthday parties. It’s not for the baby, it’s for the parent.
You made it through 12 months of caring for another human being around the clock. You deserve a party and a smash cake for yourself.
In this insurmountable first year, there will be many, many times that you beat your head against a wall — either literally or figuratively, it’s up to you. You may think that you have read all of the appropriate child-rearing books before popping out that baby. You may feel like you have spent enough time on parenting websites to know exactly what to do in your first diaper blowout.
You would be wrong. You’ll mess up and forget to take a spare diaper with you to Target like every other parent on the planet. You’ll feel like a total moron as your baby oozes human waste in the picture frame aisle of the department store.
But really, this is the least of your worries. There are 10 specific times when you will feel like the worst parent alive in your baby’s first year of life. Be prepared to ugly-cry a few tears, chug some wine and shake it off. It’s all part of the job, and believe it or not, it gets easier with time.
1. The first time that you just can’t get your baby to stop crying
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2. The first time that you consider going back to sleep when your baby cries for the fifth time in the night
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3. The first time your newborn rolls off the couch when your back is turned
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4. The first time your baby eats something off the carpet when your back is turned
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5. The first time you almost forget to buckle your baby in the car seat
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6. The first time your homemade, organic baby food gives your infant a terrible rash
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7. The first time you give your baby formula
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8. The first day you go back to work
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9. The first drop-off at day care
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10. The first time you hire a babysitter for a much-needed date night
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