Your baby’s bare, beautiful butt is just so sweet and fragile. What kind of monster would ever change a diaper with freezing cold wipes left out at room temperature?
If you gather round a group of seasoned moms and ask the question, “What is the most useless baby product you ever bought?” you’ll always wind up with the same answer. If you guessed the dreaded wipe warmer, you would be right.
For new parents, the wipe warmer is alluring and hard to resist. It’s the perfect fancy-schmancy, adorable gadget that you need so you can pretend you’re actually doing something earth-shattering, instead of changing a dirty diaper.
Don’t be fooled. The luster of the wipe warmer will wear off. Wipes will dry out. Your baby’s butt will still be dirty. Soon enough, you’ll have to face the fact that one of the major components of your parenting job description is the shoveling of shit. Even the handiest wipe warmer can’t take away the sting of a cold-truth slap to the face.
If you want to stay ahead of the parenting game, listen to those who have gone before you. Without a doubt, wipe warmers are listed as one of the top products that every parent doesn’t need. Here are a few great reasons why.
1. Your baby’s butt can handle a room temperature wipe
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2. You could spend $30 on actual wipes… and diapers
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3. Everyone viewing your baby registry will secretly hate you
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4. Contrary to popular belief, your baby will not grow into a serial killer if you don’t use warm wipes on his tush
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5. If you’re honest with yourself, your baby is not that classy
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6. This is ass-wiping we’re talking about — don’t try to church it up
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7. You will also have to buy your baby a literal silver spoon to eat with
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8. With this kind of royal treatment, you can kiss successful potty training goodbye
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9. Amazon reviews scream “fire hazard”
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10. When the wipes inevitably dry out, you will hate yourself forever
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11. In the near future, you’re going to travel somewhere, forget the warm wipes and realize what a lie you have been living
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12. If a cold butt is your biggest parenting worry, you have a rough road ahead
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