Ready your red, white and blue — Fourth of July is almost here. It’s time to celebrate our nation with food, family, friends and, of course, fireworks.
Oh yes, fireworks. After you’ve eaten more hot dogs than you thought possible and finished up the rest of the flag cake, it’s time to head out to see the big ones. In towns and cities across the country, people will gather to watch huge displays that will light up the sky — and try a parent’s every last bit of patience. Because no matter how festive and fun, these things inevitably happen when you take kids to a fireworks display.
1. You will head out full of hope for family fun and patriotic pride.
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2. You will park about 70 miles away from the viewing area.
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3. Someone will get stung by a bee.
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4. Someone will have to go potty, and the scary porta-potties will be your only choice.
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5. You will hear, “When are the fireworks going to start?” roughly 852 times.
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6. When they finally do start, someone will freak out and start crying.
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7. The fireworks will end, and you will be astounded by the disproportional amount of time you spent getting to and waiting for the fireworks compared to the measly amount of time the fireworks actually lasted.
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8. You will walk 800 miles back to your car.
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9. It will take 10 years to get through traffic and back home.
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10. Someone will have to go potty during those 10 years.
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11. You’ll vow to watch fireworks on TV next year.
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