While you’re preparing to say goodbye to your child, who’s all packed and ready to start their journey into adulthood, they’re fantasizing about it all: the new people, the learning, and the rowdy parties. College parties can be a new beast, one where alcohol is flowing through, and sadly, a lot of harm comes from that.
Did you know that more than half of US college students experienced alcohol-related harm caused by others, according to the Drug and Alcohol Review? This groundbreaking survey released just a few weeks ago, which was taken by nearly 2,000 college students across the US, showed that over 53 percent of students have experienced some type of alcohol-based harm.
“Alcohol-based harm” is an all-encompassing term that relates to the physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, and mental harm that can come from alcohol consumption (and especially overconsumption). These harms include physical or psychological distress, sleep or study disruptions, verbal harassment, unwanted sexual contact, assault, and more.
It’s a scary thing to think about, because it can affect everything about your child’s college experience: their personal lives, their academics, and their mental state. Around 14 percent of college students have an alcohol disorder, per the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, and experts agree that colleges need to do more.
David Jernigan, professor of health law, policy, and management at Boston University School of Public Health, said in an article from the college, “College drinking is sometimes seen as a rite of passage, but this rite has dangerous and harmful ripple effects. There is much more that campuses and governments can do to better protect students from these harms.”
But as parents, what can you do? We consulted with experts to ensure your child has the tools and know-how to be safe amid the rise of alcohol-based harm in colleges.
What Can I Teach My College Kid About Staying Safe at College Parties?
Sure, your kid can go out and drink — college kids will be college kids — but to drink responsibly, safety needs to be top of mind the entire time. Experts say there are a few strategies to be safe rather than sorry.
Lisa Anderson, LCSW and Clinical Director at Brooks Healing Center, told SheKnows, “Start by stressing the importance of the buddy system — always go out with friends and leave with the same group. Teach them to keep an eye on their drinks, avoid open containers or shared punch bowls, and stick to drinks they’ve poured themselves.”
For those asking, “Why? What’s wrong with a punch bowl?” Well, per Rolling Out, it can pose a lot of risks since you don’t know everything that’s in it. Because of that, there could be potential allergic reactions, you can’t track the potency, and there’s a bigger potential for drink tampering.
And make sure your child knows that saying “no” is an option. While saying “no” can be hard for people, Anderson noted, “Let them know that it’s perfectly okay to decline drinking if they don’t feel comfortable, and offer strategies to handle peer pressure, such as saying, ‘I’m driving’ or ‘I have an early morning.'”
How Can I Teach My Student to Drink Responsibly — and Surround Themselves with Others Who Do the Same?
We’ve all seen the warnings about excessive drinking: the ads on television, the billboards that decorate the highway, and in those presentations back in high school. They’re everywhere, and they should be ingrained in us; once we go to college, though, a lot of it becomes white noise. But as parents, there is a way to teach your college kid how to drink responsibly, and how to ensure their inner circle does the same.
Instead of awkwardly skirting the topic of alcohol, experts agree that parents should openly discuss what drinking responsibly looks like. Avoiding the topic won’t make them abstain — it will only leave them ill-equipped to handle any challenges that may arise when they do drink.
“Adolescents and young adults are most successful in changing their behavior when they have had conversations and practice learning not only what not to do, but learning what they should do. Instead of saying ‘don’t do that,’ focus on saying ‘do this,’” Dr. Erica Kalkut, PhD and child psychologist at LifeStance Health, told us. “Arming your kids with the choices they can make will make it easier for them to know what they can do when they turn down a peer’s request, or the temptation to do something that might not be in their best interest.”
Melissa Pagan, LMFT, the Family Wellness Program Director at Mountainside Treatment Center, also told SheKnows, “Emphasize self-awareness and setting personal boundaries. It’s essential to help your child recognize red flags in friendships and social groups. Encourage them to observe how others handle alcohol and social situations, and [ask] ‘Do these individuals respect their limits and the limits of others?’“
Make sure your kids aren’t afraid to ask questions, of their peers and themselves, to ensure they’re in an environment that feels safe to them.
If Alcohol-Related Harm Comes About, What Should I Teach My Child to Do?
The detrimental effects of college drinking can be far-reaching — even more than the risk of a hangover or a DWI or an accident, and in ways we may not immediately anticipate. The most common forms of alcohol-related harm are physical or psychological distress, verbal harassment, being physically assaulted, and unwanted sexual contact. Others include sleep disruptions and having it bleed over into your college student’s studies.
“Let your child know that alcohol-related harm is a common experience, but that doesn’t mean that it is acceptable or should be ignored,” Kalkut told SheKnows. Unfortunately, parents can’t protect their children — including their college children — from everything. But as parents, you can teach them how to handle the situation if it comes up, and experts agree that there are a couple of ways to go about it.
If it’s an incident where someone else harms them, Dr. Michael Chichak, Medical Director at MEDvidi, has one major rule: “Teach them the importance of documenting what happened (for example, by writing down details or taking photos) and seeking help. Many campuses have counseling centers, advocacy programs, or hotlines just for students in these situations.”
They also shouldn’t ignore the aftermath of alcohol-related incidents, which can be a crucial part of healing. In fact, Anderson said, “Encourage them to report any serious issues to campus authorities and to reach out for emotional support afterward, whether from you, a counselor, or a trusted friend. Remind them that you are always there for them, no matter the situation.”
How Can I Get My Child to Open Up to Me About Alcohol-Related Harm at Their School?
Open communication, along with healthy habits surrounding it, should happen before they go off to college. However, sometimes it takes a child going off to college to realize your communication may not be as forthright as it should be. No matter which type you are, there are ways to help your child open up to you about the alcohol-based scene at their college.
“Create a judgment-free environment in which your child can express their concerns without fear of being punished or criticized,” Chichak advises. “Instead of questioning them about their nights out, ask open-ended questions such as, ‘How’s the social scene on campus?’ or ‘What has surprised you about college parties?’”
He added, “Validate their experiences and listen with empathy if they bring up anything troubling. You can also use news stories or studies about alcohol-related harm as conversation starters, framing them in a way that promotes deeper dialogue rather than lectures.”
Along with talking to them about it, make sure you handle the “how” with communication. Sean O’Neill, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Director at Maple Moon Recovery, gave tips for how to talk it out, saying, “Make sure to actively listen when they are talking and do not interrupt them because that way, trust will be built, and they will want to talk to you more.”
How Can I Ensure These Harms Don’t Affect Their College Experience?
Though you may not be able to protect your kid from everything, you can help them find a balance.
“Engage your child in a way, where both of you will set some realistic social and limit goals which are suitable to them,” O’Neill told SheKnows. “From time to time, engage them in a discussion about their objectives in life and emphasize the importance of balancing social life with self-care.”
Chichak added, “Encourage students to take advantage of campus resources such as alcohol education workshops, peer support groups, and counseling services. Regular check-ins will keep you in the loop and provide an opportunity to guide them as challenges arise.”
Is There a Way to Research Whether a School Deals with a Lot of Alcohol-Related Harm?
Remember that resources are available — both for parents to check up on their child and, of course, for your college kid to stay informed and safe. Below, we compiled a list of ways to check on a college’s alcohol scene.
Clery Report
The Clery Act is a protection law that requires colleges to “report campus crime data, support victims of violence, and publicly outline the policies and procedures they have put into place to improve campus safety,” per their website. It tracks everything from assault, thefts, stalking, and liquor law violations, to name a few.
CollegeAIM
Also known as the College Alcohol Intervention Matrix, CollegeAIM is basically a website that helps you identify alcohol interventions. It helps you assess what is happening at your kids’ school and the risks surrounding alcohol-based harms, per College Drinking Prevention.
See the School’s Programs
To see how proactive the school is about alcohol-based harm, you should check what resources they provide for students. See if they offer substance abuse prevention programs, wellness programs, mandatory alcohol education sessions, and more. If you can’t find these on the school’s student affairs or health services department website, you can always call in.
Talk to Other Parents
“Your fellow parents can be a good resource too — they might have heard things, or have experiences to share that can give you a clearer picture of how the school deals with this issue,” Melissa Legere, LMFT, Clinical Director and Co-Founder of California Behavioral Health, told SheKnows.
Talk to Students — Current and Former
If you tour the college, you may be able to speak with different students on what the nightlife scene is like, or possibly go to alum pages on different social media accounts. They’ll oftentimes give you a very accurate representation of what’s happening at that college.
Reddit or TikTok
If you want unfiltered responses to how a campus truly is, think like the kids do — you can’t go wrong with using Reddit or TikTok. Just check different things in the search bar like the college’s name + alcohol, or anything along those lines, to find out more.
Before you go, click here to see celebrities who have struggled with drug or alcohol addiction.
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