Just wait until they’re teenagers. It seems like we hear this phrase from almost the day our kids are born, this ominous warning about how hard and awful it’s going to be. The sleep-deprived haze of the newborn stage? Not as bad as teenagers. The terrible twos (and threes, and maybe even fours)? Not as bad as teenagers. It’s hard not to trudge through our kids’ younger years — which are difficult enough — with a dread in the back of our minds that grows more pronounced the closer they get to 13. Are we truly headed for the worst part? Does all the parenting struggle we’ve endured really pale in comparison?
As the mom of three teenagers ages 19, 17, and 15 — and an almost-teenager who turns 13 in a short five months — I’m here with a consoling message from the thick of it: there are a lot of good things about teenagers. I promise.
Now, I’m not going to sugar-coat things and tell you it isn’t hard, because it is. Another phrase we hear often — “bigger kids, bigger problems” — holds true; you may not have to buckle an unwilling toddler into a car seat anymore, but you do get the nerve-wracking experience of watching your child back the car out of your driveway without you. You might not worry so much about their picky eating or their sugar intake, but you might also find a vape in their room. You’re no longer cleaning scraped knees and kissing boo-boos, but instead, you’re trying to figure out how to mend a broken heart. Yes, these years are difficult.
But for every hard thing, there’s something else that’s beautiful and joyful and surprising — and for me, the teenage years have honestly been the best part of motherhood so far. Here are some of my favorite things about having teenagers.
They’re (finally!) self-sufficient.
Early childhood is an endless stream of someone needing something; from cutting crusts to wiping butts, you’re always in demand. Now they can do all those things, and more, all by themselves! You don’t have to put them to bed; if you want to turn in early, just tell ’em you’re going to sleep and call it a night. It’s no longer a struggle to get them to bathe. Don’t feel like cooking dinner? They’re more than capable of fending for themselves! And don’t even get me started on the thrill of having another driver in the house. Yes, it’s hard at first to get comfortable with the fact that your “baby” is behind an actual wheel when you’ve seen them play MarioKart, but that is soon outweighed by the sheer joy of realizing that you can ask them to run errands or pick up siblings, and you are no longer a taxi — or at least, not the only taxi. FREEDOM! And on that note …
They can stay home alone.
Gone are the days of calling around to find a sitter so you can go to a social event, or schlepping little ones to the grocery store because they can’t stay by themselves. When you’ve got teenagers, you can regain some of the independence you lost when they were in need of supervision. You have the glorious option of just — wait for it — walking out the door. Whenever you want! For as long as you need!
They keep you relevant.
I’m in my mid-40s, and if there’s one thing I’ve noticed about aging, it’s the eerie feeling that the world is starting to change faster than I can keep up. (I make fun of my 76-year-old mom for the “old” way she texts, but secretly, I’m beginning to get it.) Still, having teenagers ensures I’m never too far out of the loop. They keep me up on the latest slang (even if they absolutely forbid me to actually use it), the latest fashion, the trending phrases and crazes. Do I always understand it? Of course not. But it at least gives me the sense that I’m not the antiquated dinosaur I sometimes worry I am. At least not yet.
They’re more proficient at technology.
On the subject of antiquated dinosaurs and ever-changing technology, having teens in your house is like living with the Geek Squad. Sure, they will roll their eyes and act like you’re asking them for a kidney, but they’ll help you with the stuff you can’t figure out. Why is my computer doing this? Why is my phone screen blank? What’s wrong with this Internet connection?
They’re truly funny.
When your kids first discover humor, it’s usually in the form of knock-knock jokes, or maybe varying versions of the classic “chicken crossing the road.” Or maybe it’s something completely nonsensical that’s only clever to their non-humor-grasping little brains: “Hey Mommy, why did the frog jump? Because farts!” Regardless, moms of little kids deserve an award for all the fake laughter they have to dole out. But when your kids are teenagers, their sense of humor is much more developed — and you can actually laugh! My teens are constantly cracking jokes or sending memes that I really do find funny. And sometimes they’re funny without even meaning to be … like when they have the audacity to text you because they want to forge your signature. Nice try, kid.
It’s so fun to see who they are.
Have you ever watched a Polaroid picture develop? It starts as a blank image — and then, slowly but surely, it sharpens into a clearer picture. Watching your kids grow is kind of the same. When they’re babies, it’s hard to tell what their personality is. You can’t know what they’ll like or dislike. But when they’re teens, it all becomes much more evident, and it’s the coolest thing to catch a glimpse of the fully-formed adults they’ll someday turn into. It feels like something you’ve been waiting for their entire lives is finally coming to fruition. And similarly …
You get to see them through the lens of their friends.
If you get the chance to be around your kid when they’re with their friends (or at least eavesdrop from the kitchen while they hang out), it’s like seeing yet another facet of your child’s personality that you aren’t as familiar with. You get to see how they interact with others, and get a sense of what others think of them and what role they play in their friend group. If they have a girlfriend or boyfriend, you can see what kind of partner they are, which is really cool. And, it’s always nice to see your kid having fun.
They’re much, MUCH easier to travel with.
We hardly did any traveling — not even short day trips — with our kids when they were younger. Not because we didn’t want to, but because no destination felt worth the hassle of forking over the money to get there, only to have it feel like a job. Packing their suitcases, hauling along strollers and potty seats and whatever other equipment they required, making sure we didn’t forget the favorite binky or stuffed animal … wrangling cranky toddlers with disrupted schedules and delayed naps … dealing with carsick kids … no thank you. But now, we can pile everyone into the car and go. They tune us out with their earbuds and sleep most of the way, and they never ask us to carry them when they get tired. Sure, they still occasionally get cranky (because teenagers!), but overall, traveling is a breeze compared the taxing ordeal that it once was.
Those hugs feel so much more precious now.
I admit it: When my kids were little and (quite literally) hanging off me at most points during the day, I totally took their physical displays of affection for granted. When you have an abundance of slobbery kisses and hugs and little arms thrown around your neck or your legs — or when they fall asleep on you while watching TV — it’s easy to overlook just how special they are. But now that they’re teenagers, those spontaneous affectionate gestures are much fewer and further between, and now I realize how valuable they are … and revel in each one.
There are days when my house feels overrun with teenage attitude, and I wish I could go back to the days when they hadn’t yet discovered backtalk. But because I know now how quickly it goes, I know that this, too, will soon pass — and that for all the moments of frustration, there are more moments of joy. And there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I’ll miss it when it’s gone.
These celebrity parents are sharing the struggle — and sweetness — of raising teenagers.
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