We have so many problems with the comments on Ant Anstead‘s most recent post about his breakup with Christina Anstead, we don’t even know where to begin. First, there are the randos who are armchair-diagnosing Christina with various conditions and blaming the couple’s breakup on said (totally speculative and undiagnosed by a professional!) conditions, from postpartum depression to adrenal fatigue. Then there are the randos who insist that the Ansteads’ breakup — nay, any breakup between parents! — is a mistake simply because they have a child together. Insert flat-line-mouth emoji here.
On Sunday, Ant posted a black-and-white photo of him and Christina to his Instagram, and wrote alongside it that he has “remained silent while holding on to hope. I never gave up on us. I pray Christina’s decision brings her happiness.”
So, okay, this was not necessarily the mutual-decision breakup many of us originally assumed it was, which is sad, yes. Is it cause for dozens of trolls to attack Christina for recognizing that something wasn’t working and making the decision to end it — for her and for her baby son with Ant? OF COURSE NOT.
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“Somethings wrong with her not you,” one commenter wrote to Ant. Others insisted that Christina is suffering from “some sort of depression” and/or “adrenal exhaustion” and is not in her right mind. Again, this is simply because she chose to end a relationship. A reasonable choice that the majority of us have made at some point in our lives.
And yet, the Distance Diagnoses keep rolling in, including this commenter who is apparently diagnosing Christina with postpartum depression simply because she a) had a baby and b) has anxiety.
“You are overwhelmed,” the commenter writes. “You just had a baby. Your body is tired, exhausted, and depression/anxiety has crippled you. Your body can only fight so long before it will shut down. Now isn’t the time to make long term decisions. You two met for a reason… You both will regret this is you don’t fight together. I’m available if you want to talk. DM me and I can give you my contact info.”
Um, please don’t DM this person, guys.
That uncalled-for (and frankly inappropriate) comment was in response to Christina’s post over the weekend, in which she got real about that Anxiety Lyfe that plagues plenty of us, particularly women.
“I live in a state of anxiousness and I’m so used to it that when it’s not there I tend to feel a void and hop into something that causes the feeling I’m used to,” Christina wrote on her Instagram. “This can be good and bad. And it’s one of the things I’m working on breaking the pattern of. Sometimes anxiety and pursuit of new dreams leads me down amazing paths, other times it leaves me feeling lost and in a state of fight or flight / or crying in my closet… I never thought I would have one divorce let alone two. I never thought I would have 2 baby daddies — but sometimes life throws us curve balls.”
Seems like the honest, vulnerable writing of a courageous, level-headed woman with a lot on her plate. But maybe that’s just us.
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Perhaps even worse, though, are the commenters arguing that it is the duty of a pair of parents to stay together, at all costs, simply because they have a child together.
“Hudson deserves a chance at a family,” wrote one. Um, so you would like me to tell my son and all the other children who are co-parented by split parents and often stepparents too that they don’t actually have “a family”? Give me a break.
“They have kids truly affected by this… seek therapy with Ant,” another commenter urges Christina. The comments of “Don’t throw in the towel” and “Keep trying” are everywhere on Ant’s post, and they point towards the same reasoning: That parents should not “give up on a marriage…with children involved,” to quote one commenter.
Let’s get one thing straight: The best parent for a child is a stable and loving parent. And if you, as a parent and as a human, know you will be better able to meet your child’s needs — and your own needs, which do matter — outside of your marriage or other relationship? Hell yes you should get a divorce!
In fact, studies of kids themselves show that not only are parents happier splitting up than staying in a relationship that isn’t working; the kids are happier too. Eight out of 10 kids polled by family law organization Resolution said they’d prefer their parents divorce than stay together and keep fighting.
“This new information shows that, despite the common myth that it’s better to stay together ‘for the sake of the kids’, most children would sooner have their parents divorce rather than remain in an unhappy relationship,” Jo Edwards of Resolution told SheKnows. “Being exposed to conflict and uncertainty about the future are what’s most damaging for children, not the fact of divorce itself. This means it is essential that parents act responsibly, to shelter their children from adult disagreements and take appropriate action to communicate with their children throughout this process.”
And guess what? All signs point to Christina and Ant doing just that. So SIT DOWN, commenters — and for crying out loud, leave the diagnoses to the professionals.
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