We can tell you the moral of this story in five words: Stop. Commenting. On. People’s. Weight.
Period.
Even more so, stop commenting on postpartum people’s weight.
And if it doesn’t go over well in a one-on-one in-person conversation, why oh why would you loop the internet in on this? One clueless and judgmental dad on Reddit clearly missed this memo and gave his wife his unsolicited two cents. *Clenches fists*
The couple has three children together: A 7-year-old and 2-year-old twins. When his wife was pregnant with their first, this dad said she “didn’t gain much [weight]” and “lost it pretty fast.” With the twins, he said, she probably gained around 55 or 60 pounds.
“She has shown no attempt to lose the weight and no longer goes to the gym [four days a week],” he said on the AITA subreddit (Spoiler: He is indeed the a-hole).
Well of course she doesn’t, cried the internet! How is she going to do that with three kids under the age of 7?
“Now the gym is called ‘At home chasing toddlers,'” said one spot-on commenter.
Reddit wants to know if this dad makes it possible for his wife to go to the gym if she wants. (Because news flash: She doesn’t have to go even if she does have the time and bandwidth!). Does he offer to take care of the kids solo while she goes?
“When’s the last time she was even able to go to the bathroom alone? Or take a bubble bath? Go for a walk alone or drink a glass of wine without needing to deal with kids?” they asked.
“The other night she was complaining that her new jeans no longer fit, and I pointed out that she still has her baby weight,” he said.
*Plugs ears* La, la, la we can’t hear you! *Unplugs ears and looks around* Has he stopped?
Nope. Of course he hasn’t.
“She got really upset and said I basically called her unattractive,” he continued. “That is not the case at all, I find my wife beautiful, but she keeps sizing up in her jeans and then acts confused why.”
Seriously, dude? She’s not confused. You don’t need to mansplain why her size has changed.
Side note: It could also be because, as one commenter correctly pointed out, “women’s jeans sizes are atrocious and they never fit right.” Ugh.
He was shocked when she “took it so offensively” and insisted that it was supposed to be an observation, not an insult.
*Eye roll*
The audacity. He fat-shamed her, so of course she felt ashamed. What did he expect to happen? We have to imagine he’s making himself look much more sympathetic than he is, and the fact that he’s failing miserably at that only makes us assume he’s extra clueless.
“She then got defensive and said she carried two babies in her body and what did I expect?” he continued. “She slept as far to the wall as she could get, and had an attitude with me for the rest of the night. We are open about things, I never meant for it to be taken so negatively, or to insult her.”
Now look, we don’t want to have to sit here and defend her size as if her size is her honor, but you know we are at that point of the programming. Because yes, she did carry two babies. In fact, she carried three. As one commenter pointed out, her literal organs had to shift around to make room.
“Split your abdominal muscles in half and then decide if you feel like going to the gym ever again,” one user said. “Then get on Google and ask what you can do to support a partner who wants to get back in shape. You can meal prep, you can offer to take something off her hands, get her sessions to something fun and fitness-adjacent so she feels good. These are some of the ways you can be a supportive partner before you open your mouth and offer unsolicited opinions on the body that broke itself to build you your family.”
There’s also the distinct and “awful” problem of using the word “yet.”
“That’s setting an expectation that she will lose the weight,” one commenter said. “You putting that kind of pressure on her is going to make her self conscious, and like you’re basing her worth on her ability to have kids, yet look like she’s had none. Be real. YTA.”
There are plenty of things he could have done instead. Again, he could make it possible for her to do things that make her feel good. Not because it could affect her physical appearance, but because it could improve her mental health.
Because as it is, she is probably struggling with all the identity and lifestyle changes that come with having kids. She doesn’t need a partner who chips away at her self confidence. She needs one who tells her she’s beautiful outright (especially if he’s so insistent that’s what he was saying all along) and validates her feelings.
“The script for this is as follows: ‘I’m sorry you’re frustrated by your clothes not fitting right now!'” another said. “‘You are beautiful and you should go buy some new clothes that make you feel beautiful and comfortable.’”
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.
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