On this episode of Passive Aggressive Family Members Are Treating New Moms Terribly, we have a 27-year-old first-time mom who is six days postpartum. She joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit to find out if she mishandled a recent interaction with her mother-in-law.
This new mom who originally posted (the “OP”, as Redditors say), explained that her birth went well but she is still recovering both physically and emotionally. To which the masses screamed, “FAIR!” She and her husband told their families ahead of time (“just to set expectations”) that they probably wouldn’t allow visitors for the first couple weeks.
“But privately the two of us decided that we would play it by ear and see how we felt,” she said.
Early Struggles
OP said that their second day home with the baby was “really rough.”
“All I wanted was my mom to comfort and help me,” she said, so she and her husband invited her over. OP’s mom was a “major” help with the baby and emotionally, so the new parents let her come by every other day. (Reminder: It’s been six days at this point.)
“She went above and beyond to help us,” OP said. “Also my bestie & her husband live down the street and have been dropping off meals/treats & walking our dog for us, but I don’t consider that visiting as much as favors/errands.”
Getting “Caught”
OP’s MIL found out about the other grandma’s visits and was “very upset.” OP and her husband decided to have her over for a “brief visit,” and MIL said she’d come with food. That is a lovely thing to do for new parents who are so busy taking care of their infant that they can barely find the time to cook for themselves!
The Meal
This MIL brought homemade lasagna, pasta salad, muffins, and two types of cookies. Which sounds delicious. Except for that her DIL has Celiac disease and can’t eat gluten – a fact of which this MIL was apparently aware. And no, none of these meals were made without gluten.
“She explained to me that she was sorry but she had limited notice and only had time to make my husband’s favorites.”
OP immediately started crying. Her husband took her to the other room so she could have a moment to herself and promised to order delivery.
“MIL made another comment about how she wished she could’ve brought food for me but it was just so time-consuming and burdensome to make things gluten-free. I snapped and told her she was rude and told her I was angry.”
Toward the end of the visit, OP’s friend’s husband came by to walk their dog and surprised them with a homemade gluten-free tiramisu. “I started crying (again) and thanked him profusely, and he told us it was no problem and ‘surprisingly easy to make.'” Did ya hear that, MIL?!
She likely did and was “pissed,” realizing the friends had been coming by, meanwhile, she had to wait six days to meet her grandchild only to be “faced with [her DIL’s] anger.”
OP’s FIL “snapped” at his wife, insisting she “drop it.” But MIL was upset again when the friend came back with the dog and OP sent him home with some of the gluten-filled cookies as a [perhaps passive-aggressive] thank you.
The Fall Out
MIL is now on a smear campaign, calling and texting people to try and get them to “rally against” OP. Most of her in-laws are apparently on board.
“My husband has my back and even went the next day to drop off almost all the rest of the gluten food to our friends and he told me to block MIL’s number if she kept harassing me.”
OP explained that she doesn’t think she’s the a—hole but is also “extremely emotional and sensitive” right now and not sure she’s reacting to things “generally reasonably.” at this time. “AITA for telling MIL I was mad she brought food I can’t eat and giving it away?” OP asked.
Reddit’s Reaction
Reddit could not possibly be rolling their eyes harder at this MIL.
“She made ALLLL that, but didn’t have time to make 1 gluten free thing? BS. She did it on purpose because she was mad your mom got to meet the baby before her,” said the top comment with 8.8K upvotes.
And then came in the waves of alternate meal suggestions. Redditors said she could have swapped the pasta salad for a potato or rice salad or made a moussaka instead of lasagna. Or! She didn’t have to make anything gluten-free at all! If it’s that much of a hassle, pick something up at the grocery store or offer to order takeout like OP’s husband did.
“As someone who can’t eat gluten we are not picky either. Usually just happy to have at least one item.”
“Echoing this. It’s really nice to be included. MIL went out of her way to exclude OP.”
“And then wonders why OP didn’t make it a priority to have her visit the baby. Such a mystery…”
And let’s not forget that eliminating gluten from her diet was not something OP did on a whim. She did it because she has Celiac and there can be real and dangerous consequences if she eats gluten. But this “monster-in-law,” as Redditors dubbed her, doesn’t seem to care about the health of her DIL.
“And with all the ‘normal’ abdominal pain and discomfort, most people experience postpartum anyway, the last thing anyone needs to add to that is bloating and diarrhea.”
Nor do they need a malicious MIL. We wouldn’t be surprised to hear this grandma’s visitation rights have been provoked.
Before you go, check out these wild stories about Reddit’s most horrific mother-in-laws.
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